I've noticed an interesting little detail with myself lately. I won't get graphic here, but I will be talking about something that's been triggering flashbacks of my molestation.

Anyway, I'm able to look at any photo of my late father who molested me for 20 years just fine without any triggers. But whenever I've seen a photo where I'm in the picture with him, it triggers me. Especially when I'm age 8 or older in any of the photos, it'll take me right back to a random memory from that age of him molesting me. The most recent one I saw was a photo my aunt had of me and my parents together when I was 12. It was taken during the summer of that year and I was experiencing such vivid flashbacks of a time my dad molested that very summer, I had to excuse myself for a moment to settle down from the anxiety I was experiencing.

Reflecting on it now, it makes perfect sense to me why I'm able to look at a picture of just my dad without any issue, but get easily triggered when I'm there with him. When I see myself when I was younger next to him, I can't help but be reminded of what exactly he was doing to me all the time behind closed doors. It disturbs me looking at those photos now because everything looks so normal that you'd never guess it, ever. That's just how well-hid my dad and I kept it. As much as I hate saying that, I still played a part in keeping my own molestation a secret. That just is what it is. I don't get triggered as often or as badly as I used to, but those photographs are still able to get to me easily.