With the one year anniversary of my dad’s death coming up (which I know now was on the 22nd of September), I’ve been thinking about how my other relatives will handle it. I think pretty much everyone knows now that he was abusive to me growing up. But, no one but my mother and I know the extent of it. They don’t know that he actually molested me for 20 years and I don’t know if they should. Not to spare my dad’s reputation. That he was abusive should be enough for everyone to understand he was a terrible person, regardless of how he was abusive. Withholding the whole information is more for my family, so they don’t need to know how heinous his actions were. Also for me… I hate the thought of knowing that my family knows what was done to me. Having my mom learn what happened and not looking at me the same way anymore was enough. I know a lot of my relatives wouldn’t take it very well either. I don’t think he was ever the most popular member of the family, but there were those who got along with him well. I feel they’d be disgusted with themselves for being amicable with an incestuous pedophile. Not that they could have ever known, but if my mom lives with that guilt anyway, I’m sure they would too. Sometimes I have my reserves over them not knowing everything and wish they could. It’s complicated, as usual. But in the grand scheme of things, it’s probably better that they don’t. As I’ve said, they know he was abusive - not a good person. That’s probably enough.

And, ultimately, you're entitled to your own privacy. You have the right to decide what should be shouted from the rooftops, and what should not. It was you it was done to.