It's been a while since I made a post like this. But my family reunion was recently, the first one since my dad's passing. He didn't get talked about much, but I ended up having a flashback anyway when I was seated around a bonfire at night with a bunch of other relatives. Brought about a flashback of the very memory I'm going to talk about in this post. Please heed the trigger warning, because it's going to be a bit graphic, like always.

Shortly after I had turned 15, my parents and I went camping at my mom's family park one weekend. It was summertime, so several other relatives were staying the night down there like everyone usually does during summer. After the sun went down, we were all gathered by the bonfire - the same area where I had this flashback - and my mom had already gone to bed, but my dad was still up. He asked me to come with him for a moment. I didn't figure out why right away because I would suppress what he would do, so I just went with him not thinking anything of it. It wasn't until he started taking me further away from the campfire when I started getting scared and knew what was going to happen.

"Right here," he said, which was a dark enough spot to where no one would see us with the fire visible in the distance so he could see if anyone was coming. He pushed me against a tree and lifted up my shirt so he could put his mouth of my breasts. By this point, he had been doing it enough to where I felt hopeless and I knew there was nothing I could do about it anyway, so I stood there and just took it. He then undid my jeans and began performing oral sex on me. At least this time it was dark enough to where he couldn't see me cry so I just bawled enough to where he could mistake for me moaning so I didn't have to cry afterward.

After I climaxed, he told me I could go sit back at the bonfire if I wanted to. I just walked away while he stayed there. While walking away, I heard him unzipping his pants so he could masturbate. I didn't go back to the bonfire and just went to the tent where mom was sleeping and went laid down until I eventually slept. I don't remember hearing my dad come in, so I must've fell asleep before he did. Interestingly enough, my mom was gone when I woke up and went out to get breakfast for us, but dad was awake. Interesting, because he would usually go down on me again when he had me alone and our tent was secluded enough to where he probably could have gotten away with it. I was able to go the day without him molesting me again anyway.

Being at that bonfire during my last family reunion took me right back to that time when my pulled me away so he could molest me in the dark. It didn't get to me too badly, but it's been lingering in my head since, so I figured I may as well talk about it here with the hopes of venting it out. Better to be safe than sorry, I suppose. I fear that this ay bring on more flashbacks, since that's usually what happens when I get one. If so, like I've said before, you can bet I'll be venting more about it here. But hopefully not. I kinda liked having a trigger-free blog for the couple months that that lasted.

At least this time it was dark enough to where he couldn't see me cry so I just bawled enough to where he could mistake for me moaning so I didn't have to cry afterward.

So many things, past and present, packed into that one sentence.

Yep. Normally I was able to keep it together, but that might’ve been the first time he molested me down at the family park. I think I might’ve been thinking that even down there, I wasn’t safe from him, so I just lost it.