Someone on another site asked me an interesting question. What would I do if my dad was still alive and I were to confront him on molesting me for the first 20 years of my life? I’ve actually given this hypothetical scenario some thought before. I’m not sure I would really say much of anything. Maybe telling him of all he’s done to me and how I have to live with it for the rest of my life. If he felt any remorse or not (I wouldn’t care if he did, honestly), at least he would know for whatever that was worth. Maybe it’s just easy to say that because I don’t ever have to worry about this scenario taking place because he’s dead and if it were to actually happen, a lot of thoughts and emotions would surface and I would have a lot more to say.

I can actually imagine my dad saying a lot to me. Looking back on him and based on things my mom and others who knew him have said about him, he wasn’t terribly bright. Hell, from what I know on how he died in a car wreck, that’s probably what got him killed. Anyway, I imagine he would try defending what he did by saying that I had enjoyed it for a long time, maybe even mention how he explained on more than one occasion that he just wanted to show that he loved me. Once I told him I stopped enjoying it at some point, I imagine he’d ask why I never just said so. Maybe he would become remorseful once I laid down the logic of it all and how I really felt, but again, I wouldn’t be the least bit interested in that so I wouldn’t want to hear it.

I’m a bit divided because, although I firmly believe I wouldn’t have much to say to him, I also hate that I can’t ever confront him on this, like I won’t ever find complete closure because of it. Yet another complicated case, as you can tell. Don’t have much of an explanation for that, that’s just how I feel.