“My ex”, still for a lack of a better way of referring to him. But with Mothers Day coming up, we got to talking about what we’re doing for our mothers that day. He brought up Fathers Day coming up after and I mentioned not having to worry about that since my dad is dead. He immediately put it together that I don’t see him in a good light by saying he’d offer condolences, but it sounded like I didn’t care for him. I told him he had abused me my whole life, but I didn’t go into a whole lot of detail, just like I’ve done with some of my other friends I’ve told about it. It upset him, as expected. But not nearly as much as it would have if it told him the full story, of course.

I’m a little embarrassed to admit that the main reason I didn’t tell him was because I didn’t want the physical affection he’s been showing me to stop. Who in their right mind wouldn’t no longer feel comfortable getting all touchy-feely with someone after they just told you they went through years of being molested, right? I don’t know what to say. I just enjoy him putting his hands on me that much. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if there’s some underlying cause for it related to my trauma. The harmless tender affection I wish I had received all those years or something. Even if some of the stuff my ex does are things that low-key turn him on. Whatever it is, it makes me happy and I don’t want to lose it.

I think it's understandable. Not wanting sex doesn't mean you don't still crave physical touch. And more, touch that has no sexual strings attached. A dad is supposed to lavish touches on his little girl without the expectation that it has to be repaid sexually.

I hope i haven't scared you from telling your ex too much- I know I'd be reluctant for a while until I had 'felt you out' (pun not intended but not inaccurate, either). Honestly I don't know how couples deal with stuff like that. Or especially if the woman is forcibly raped- the aftermath of that, what it must do to their sex life. It's all just terrible, anyway.

Not at all. That was in the back of my mind already before. And maybe he’s better off not knowing anyway.