The intrusive thoughts of my trauma are becoming overwhelming again. On top of that, I recalled another particular memory of when I still enjoyed it that was enough to have me so angry at myself that thoughts of self-harm came to mind. I haven't and won't hurt myself, but when thoughts like that are coming up, I think it's high time that I consider more professional help. To think I was feeling so optimistic at the start of this year that I could overcome my trauma. What a foolish thought that was... Now here we are in the final month of the year where I'm considering going back to where I started. Such progress.

Forgive me for intruding again, but I think yes- progress! Where were you before he died, before this came out? Sitting on a pressure cooker. Now, you're recognising the need for therapy and knowing what you need to help yourself.

Who hasn't felt better and stopped doing something? People on anti-psychotics stop having hallucinations, and make the mistake of going off their meds. I got to a place where I didn't think I needed my anti-anxiety med any longer. Now that I'm working again, I've reconsidered that. I didn't need it for a while, I think I could use it again. Well, you got to take the summer off. You had your vacation. I don't think there was anything particularly shameful in that. You got to relax, thanks to Boyfriendish. But summer vacay doesn't last forever. So, maybe it's time to go back to therapy. I don't think you should look at the past months as foolishness, or now as going back to the beginning. You were able to put things on pause a while, now you just start back up working on these things, that's all. Be a little easy on yourself....

I'm glad to hear you're not likely to self-harm. I'm obligated to point out you ought to call emergency or show up at an ER if you get overwhelming urges (I know you don't have them) but having seen my duty and done it, I'll also point out that we have a perfectly serviceable self-harm forum with a daily thread and also a crisis thread if you ever feel the need to vent about SH thoughts big or little. If you can't whinge here, well, where can you.

You don’t ever have to apologize for offering your insight. I agree with everything you said. I just get pissed off at myself. Irrationally so. I get in these heated moods and just have to vent everything I’m thinking of in the moment, even if I wouldn’t actually be so harsh normally. But I’m able to recognize that I have made progress and could’ve given myself more credit that I’m due. How angry I get at myself is probably all the more reason I should go back to counseling. One thing I’m sure of is that I won’t harm myself. The idea comes to mind more in the form of me insulting myself, really. All the same, if it ever does become that serious, I have enough dignity to own up to that get myself help.

Thank you as always for your input. Really, you don’t ever need to apologize or see it as intruding. You’ve yet to provide any advice that hasn’t been of value, so thank you again for that.

Well, you're very kind, thanks.