I feel sick and depressed.

Miss Cheri bought Richard a new coat and got me some Lancome make up that hides red skin. For red skin, you use a light brown type of blush. Miss Cheri also paid our mortgage, which neither one of us asked for. She wants us to go to a program that she sings in.

Church was good. I go to church when I feel overwhelmed, psychotic or unwell. I guess that we are going for the winter. The preacher there wants to make Richard an acolyte in about three months. There is a little boy at the church who is ADHD and gifted who wants to have Richard come and visit. Richard is borderline gifted and has ADHD, so this would be a good fit for him. The other boy, Hunter, is very musical and semi scientific so he will be a good intellectual and cultural influence on Richard.

On a side note, Richard's only real exposure to culture has been the summertime Salvation Army camp.



I know that this is not right, but a friend gave me some ativan. It helps with the panic attacks. Allen, my husband, thought that he would have to do the "midnight watch" last night but I slept from 10-6, with a mild panic attack at 6:00. If I eat once every two hours, it helps to lessen the panic.

My siblings have been very supportive.

My daughter Cat has been making some headway at the base. She's got a green rope, some sort of rank improvement and she has recieved several honors. The Aircraft Mechanic School STILL HASN'T been implemented. Cat also did some singing; Cat is awesome at singing. She says that she misses all of us and she sends us pictures of all that she is doing.

Our poor son is depressed. We have to get him to see his friend Thomas tonight. The ADHD medicine makes him not want to eat and he gets very down and listless. We want to take him off that med, Vyvanse.

Things aren't wonderful, but they have calmed down. I have the Christmas tree up in the office. My co worker had to assist me with it. Today has been very up and down. People seem mean to me; I know that I must look poorly to them. Sick.

I have a phone now and so I use FB a lot. FB is what currently keeps me sane.

Yesterday, I had a bad time. I haven't been able to eat very much as of late, so I have been nearly starving. Two of the three ladies upstairs were nice enough to offer me soups and chicken to eat. I tried eating a broccoli and cheese bowl today and I nearly threw up. I have a gag reflex now.

I'm playing Hindi songs loudly to keep myself occupied.

I put up some other decorations on the office lights=you know the kind that are flourescent and have the blocks that hang down where you can well, hang stuff. They are Christmas balls. They look "okay." I wouldn't say that they are great, but whatever.

I do try hard at work, I do. I tried this morning to look nice, but most folks hated the outfit. And I couldn't find the toothpaste and my teeth were yellow. I was horrified. Someone looked at me in the elevator like was scum of the earth.

So, I am just in a rut right now. I don't know what is going on with certain things and I dont' want to get into it, but I am really scared.

But--for now, I'm calm.

Okay.

I spent some time with Gladys and Allen and Richard went over to Mario's. Gladys and I went to her moms. Her mom is on oxygen and that is very difficult to bear. Richard, Mario and Thomas had a big feast themselves.

Gladys has been keeping her trailer fairly clean.

Cathleen's grandparents saved the day and they went down to Pensacola to visit her for TG, so she was not alone. She sent me a picture of her in her Color Guard uniform. I am very proud of her.

Richard had an "okay" time for TG. His friend Thomas had a birthday and we cooked for it. It was small. Thomas didn't really get a lot of presents. We went by the BAM last night and got Thomas a lego set of the Space Needle.

I am playing my Hindi songs to keep myself "up" this morning.

I am glad to be at work today.

I am really looking forward to this TG. I am at work. I am glad that this is the last day of this week that I have to work.

My poor daughter, I just realized, won't have anyone to spend TG with because she is at the Naval Base in Pensacola. She is a Seaman first class She's had an okay time of it until now. I will call her tommorrow.

I wonder if her GP's on her dad's side will come and visit her. I hope so. My former in laws and I have forgiven one another for what happened in the past.

These past few weeks have been very tough. First, we went without water for two weeks. Then, my friend almost got kicked out of the trailer park and she would have been homeless. Due to these events, I have had severe panic attacks which only subsided last night.

I am trying to keep upbeat at the moment. I've got the Hindi "Bollywood" songs on and it is partly cloudy but sunny enough to shed light into my glassed in office. I ruined the blinds and they won't turn up anymore, but it is okay, enough light comes in.

I hope that everyone has a good holiday and that everyone is safe. It is a nightmare at the airports from what I understand.