1. To be the slut that they think I am, I would have to be very very active. I would also have to be out on the street pounding the pavement to do what they think that I do. Further, I would have to be not as restrained and anti social as I am. Antisocial and avoidant behavior proves that I cannot possibly do or be exactly what they say I am. Of course, 4 years ago there was that emotional affair but there was no sex. There was the odd happenings as recourse.


2. I am undecided about God. On one hand, I see patterns of him being there. And, from that Crusade episode, I can *see* where God might do things that we don't understand but that there is a pattern. OF course, humans see patterns or formulate them. And , I know that religion isn't really "God." What I don't get is this thing of "when I have God everything will automatically straighten out and my actions will change." The Gita says that we get a "higher taste" or better way of being. For a time, I had the "higher taste" but lately I have been more depraived. OF course, the depravity is often brought on by stress. If abused or if I have a major life event happen then the depravity comes back. It is then that the Gita says that when our minds go out from under us, we must pull our minds back.

3. I honestly--don't--see how I am going to keep working here. The cycle has returned- a cycle at work wher ethings were good but now they are back to where they were 4 years ago. I am not sure why this is. This is NOT with me but with the population that works here.