I'ts Wednesday. I'm not feeling well at all. I had my coffee. I'm just not well.

On the elevator, this guy looked at my pants that are slightly too big. It made me sick. Lots of stuff makes me sick.

I only took the melatonin. I'm taking my lamictal at 200 mgs about every other day with melatonin and then last night, I took three melatonin.

I can't get R. to do much, but then my husband and I don't do much either. We are better about keeping the house clean, but if you try to make my son do his hw, he won't. Nobody from the outside understands or knows what to do. There are two sets of people who might understand hardc**re Attention Deficit and ODD, but they are in social classes which are hard for me to access--they are "above" me and therefore, I do not feel that they can assist me. One of them is THE BIG BOSS--THE BIG CHEESE. Her kid is a genius but has really bad ADHD. Big Cheese--I see her on the elevator but I can't ask her personal advice on what to do. The second lady and her husband go to one of the churches I attend. They are nice and are about at the level that my parents were but I still feel uncomfortable getting the lady to come to our house to help out because we are very poor.

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Yucky.

Hinduism is not an organized religion and has no single, systematic approach to teaching its value system. Nor do Hindus have a simple set of rules to follow like the Ten Commandments. Local, regional, caste, and community-driven practices influence the interpretation and practice of beliefs throughout the Hindu world.

Yet a common thread among all these variations is belief in a Supreme Being and adherence to certain concepts such as Truth, dharma, and karma. And belief in the authority of the Vedas (sacred scriptures) serves, to a large extent, as the very definition of a Hindu, even though how the Vedas are interpreted may vary greatly.

Here are some of the key beliefs shared among Hindus:
•
Truth is eternal.

Hindus pursue knowledge and understanding of the Truth: the very essence of the universe and the only Reality. According to the Vedas, Truth is One, but the wise express it in a variety of ways.

•
Brahman is Truth and Reality.

Hindus believe in Brahman as the one true God who is formless, limitless, all-inclusive, and eternal. Brahman is not an abstract concept; it is a real entity that encompasses everything (seen and unseen) in the universe.

•
The Vedas are the ultimate authority.

The Vedas are Hindu scriptures that contain revelations received by ancient saints and sages. Hindus believe that the Vedas are without beginning and without end; when everything else in the universe is destroyed (at the end of a cycle of time), the Vedas remain.

•
Everyone should strive to achieve dharma.

Understanding the concept of dharma helps you understand the Hindu faith. Unfortunately, no single English word adequately covers its meaning. Dharma can be described as right conduct, righteousness, moral law, and duty. Anyone who makes dharma central to one’s life strives to do the right thing, according to one’s duty and abilities, at all times.

•
Individual souls are immortal.

A Hindu believes that the individual soul (atman) is neither created nor destroyed; it has been, it is, and it will be. Actions of the soul while residing in a body require that it reap the consequences of those actions in the next life — the same soul in a different body.

The process of movement of the atman from one body to another is known as transmigration. The kind of body the soul inhabits next is determined by karma (actions accumulated in previous lives).

•
The goal of the individual soul is moksha.

Moksha is liberation: the soul’s release from the cycle of death and rebirth. It occurs when the soul unites with Brahman by realizing its true nature. Several paths can lead to this realization and unity: the path of duty, the path of knowledge, and the path of devotion (unconditional surrender to God).

Grrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe I need a better routine at work. A programme (I'm American, but I love British spelling).

I need that Gita again. It says that there a principles to regulate ones karmic make up, but I don't see it.

Back to work. Commission is starting.

1. The house was clean.
2. Dinner was prepared and everyone ate it TOGETHER.
3. Little dude did his hw.
4. Little dude took a bath.
5. Little dude took a melatonin (but he DID watch "Castle)." \
6. Little dude read an actual non-children's book. Literacy happens late for some folks.

It is going now--the paranoia.

My basic self image is still here, but it gets battered alot.

My brother declared himself an atheist, a mean one. I can deal with atheists as long as they are nice. There is an atheist on here who is very nice and very sweet. I can't remember his name, but he's very very kind, very charming and intelligent. As long as you are kind, I can deal with you.

As with many people with borderline, I get several of those developmental crises going on at once. One of them is usefulness. "Gawd."

I don't really like being an atheist because I live in the very core of the Bible Belt and it helps to have hope in God. You could, in discourse, say that I should be a Unitarian. I'm close. My theology is very loose--I identify more with a Universal Father figure than Jesus, although I do love Jesus and still feel that he is the SOG. I sort of have a like of Sufism and Rumi, although I haven't gotten into Rumi yet. I've studied and skimmed and listened to the Gita for about 4 years and just a bit of it has affected my overall behavior. As I said, I am not ISKON because of dietary needs and the odd behaviors of the devotees. My values aren't of the strength of the 8 fold path. I have to do things naturally.

I've got Aesop thing going today, of trying to please. I took a huge reccycle bin of the maps and all of the engineers and folk had to clear the way. I could hold onto everything with leverage until I tried to haul the thing forwards instead of backwards. Then, the entire thing fell, the cardboard on top of the recycle bin and a worker took it.

I always want people to know the two sides of me. I want the workers to know that I know what manual labor is and I want the professionals not to mess with the part of me that is professional and educated.

Albeit the thing about synthesis and antithesis, it is hard to carve out an identity from two extremes. My family of origin is difficult to deal with. They are highly highly humanist and my brother is very ugly about Republicans. In my personal life, my inner child has been TAKEN CARE OF by the Old School Republicans. If you want freedoms like the Founding Fathers, you go to them. It is the LEADERSHIP AND THE NEOCONS that you have to worry about.

I try to balance everything. I am soooooo live and let live. I'm a liberal in the old sense which means that if the traditional, Christian people are oppressed, I stand for them as I would the gay communities and other communities. I believe totally about BALANCE.

I get sick of both extremes, polluting my environment with their b.s.

If you do it right, you can have a Christian fundamentalist tradionalist sitting right next to a transgender in a school room, but you have to do it like the University setting where everyone has a set rule of engagement. This means, FOR EXAMPLE, in the Univ. setting for example, that the Sunni Muslim has to sit with the Shiite M. and not get overtly ugly, or the German has to sit with the Ugandan and be civil or the WASP has to sit with the Aborigione (be they Saami/NA/or Maori or whatever) and talk shop. It means by God RESPECT.