I'm feel like there is no hope and there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I don't even want to go there. I don't even know why I am entering a blog entry. I was happy earlier this morning because I had access Youtube to watch a video but then the phone cut off.

Yesterday was horrible. It is too complex to describe.

Anyway, it will probably be a bad day. I tried to make it a good day, but it will be a bad day.

IThis week hasn't been too bad. I'm still struggling with stigma and all but I'm holding on.

My husband wants us to keep picking up my son instead of putting him in Afterschool care. The folks at my work aren't too happy. I don't know. My depression keeps popping up. I still feel empty inside. I feel alone. I don't know why. And, although I feel slightly better than I normally do, I still feel woozy and weak. I want to sleep.

I tried to wish someone well on here, and for some reason the comment didn't take which makes me massively paranoid in thinking that someone either knows me or I have offended someone.

I've got to pick my son up in a few minutes. I feel very very tired and yucky. Work is really ambigous. My diet is screwy and my body image is driving me crazy. I'm just a few pounds away from obesity and my body is changing. I'm getting this horrid bottom and thick stomach even though I don't eat a whole lot. It is like my body is shifting. It is really gross. I guess that I might have to go to a gym. It's just super gross.

I don't feel challenged and I feel blechy all the time. I take lamictal and melatonin at night and I feel that it isn't helping like it should. My doctor is a and he won't help. He wants me to take that death medicine, rhisperdol with that lamictal and I refuse.

Anyway, I have to go. I have some Hawaiian punch over at the church where my husband works. I will sign out, go get that and then go pick up my son.

See y'all,

C.

I feel very very tired.

I didn't have a close father figure. It makes life difficult. I am drawn, although not in the ISKON way, to a fatherly figure in God. When I look at a picture of Krsnha, it calms me down. I feel like there is a friend nearby when I think upon him. When I look at a picture of Jesus, it is different.

I know that J. says that "I am the truth and the life, nobody goes to the Father but by me." I dont' know why sometimes when I am psychotic, that Krsna helps me.

________________

Other thoughts:

I coudl take the 8 fold path and incorporate it as an umbrella goal and not specifically, using the procrastination, fake it till you make it and distraction techniques.

Good night.