Years ago during a neuropsych evaluation after-talk one of a doctor told me why I can't drive ^1 and years before that my sister said I should look up more youtube videos on how to drive.I've done it a few very rare times and to be honest it s----ks .To me driving isn't some super fun ability.I have no social life and am even less inclined to frequently venture out to places far off.To me driving is a dulll a---,fact of life that we've been pushed to have to do even in the face of an ugly a--- energy and transportation crisis that we'll prob. meet soon lest the higher invisible a--- forces of societal heckle and jeckling into complecency get you first ^2.

I realized something today.When I was little and without purpose in my life (wondering about it brought me much turmoil and what a conventional dumba--- would describe as "this kid can't make desciions for himself"^3) I would watch TV for hours on end waiting for next fave show to pop up.Thus one cause of my eyes wasting away into near-sightedness and a lost oppurtunity to improve my physicality and perhaps have lived to see my limp go away sooner .Now I do something like that a bit more when on the internet.Whenever my favorite video producers aren't putting out good stuff or deviant art ain't doing it for me or when cracked.com is on a dry run I wander around sites (mostly youtube) looking for something to watch ^4 .But not how to drive videos.B/c they're so d--- dull.

Unlike my sister who made the d--- brillant and simple move when she was little of watching my parents steer^5 all this time whilst I lost virtually all interest after finding out from my parents about all the many rules while playing with toy cars,thinking about how it's not legal to drive unless you have a G1^6 till I hit 15-sih and started hearing ppl jabber storms about this in a certain s-- hole.It's short a\of a miracle that my sister learned it from my dad^7 out of all ppl;one of the few ppl who can be accounted as a free source of this gate-passing ability. My mom^8 doesn't go out as much as my dad to "justify" having the time and chances to show me.

*A* reason why how to drive vids dull me out?.I've always have had a tendancy to look at the scenery moving by.Maybe it's the passing by,the show of transcience,of seeming fleeting when in reality everything is still and you just (optimally) sift thru others with their own concerns in a magic ~2 tonne can with SO much social significance..that and trouble making eye contact with one instructing makes it a butt pain.

D--- I'm not more surprised more indie or advant-garde media makers make stuff out of learning how to drive or that there's more how-to books by groups like the "complete idiots guide to" or "for dummies" line on the subject.

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a few new years resolutions

-look at how-to drive vids instead of the non regular go-to intenet media fare

-learn to get along/appreciate your dog more

-different apporach to your sister...one of neutral treatment like a cosuin ..to lessen vindictiveness?

-"strength" training ala "firefighter^9 fitness for 30 minutes a day"...(and a step closer to irl abs;perma-abs-->permenant abs (preferabbly 8 pack)^10) and bodyweight exercises to one day do Duncan Wong style stuff like this http://www.yogachicago.com/jul01/webart/duncanb.jpg

-a true look-see venture into philosophical detachment ..b/c the anniversay of a drunken kiss is approaching,to get along with your sister and others and be more at peace with yourself in the present and live & believe that it's not a struggle to do so

^1 Come to think of it the profile made on me is with my school counsleor.`_` I'll put in bold to remind myself.Note to self.

NEXT APPOINTMENT ASK HIM IF IN THE PROFILE THERE IS MENTION ON WHY I CANT'T DRIVE/HAVE SO MUCH TROUBLE WITH IT

^2 -_- Or the d---- trouble with having to do grocery gathering when your relying on public transport,have family etc -_-

^3 The dumba--- that say that -_-

(God,life/existence doesn't seem to like me)

^4 Perhaps this is a more common phenoena nowadays in the age of reddit and cheapo inane social media like twitter

Hmmm *phenomona*..a word I can write a lot about in trying to understand it..

^5 WHAT >8C SOCEITY !.huh?!.IS THIS ONE OF YOUR CHEAPA--- "YOU DIDN'T READ THE INVISIBLE MANUAL INSIDE OF YOU SO WE CAN ACCEPT AND RECOGNIZE YOUR VISIBILITY" TRICKS ?!?.3/4 OF YOUNG ADULTS IN MY F---N LIMITED WORLD CAN DRIVE B/C THIS WHOLE F--- TIME THEY WATCHED THE PARENTS THEY UNDERREGARD DRIVE.OH AND ONCE AGAIN JUST IGNORE THE COMPLETE HUMANITY OF A PERSON AS A F--- EMPLOYABLE CONSUMER ON THOSE GROUNDS YOU SMUG SELF-MADE SMOKE AND MIRRORS SHPERE MAKING F----!

^6 -~- Has about as much bearing irl to developmental reality as saying"your never suppose to see an R-rated movie until your 18" I found out to late

^7 Who didn't learn till near ~30 from one of my uncles

^8 who learned at a smidge past ~30(?) from my dad

^9 Bless those ppl and the real reason they have for their physicality ^_^

^10 Bad fictional examples to go by..Wang's "old man msucle" http://eng.tekkenpedia.com/images/1/11/Wang_Jinrei_-_TTT2_Unlimited_Artwork.jpg

or Dhalsim in buffer interpretations

http://shayeragal.deviantart.com/art/old-memories-dhalsim-67890309

""^_^