I'll admit something.There's a reason why it hasn't been until relatively recently at the ripe old age of 21 that I've become way more interested in physical activity.I'm restless.I'm flippin restless.I'm so fed up with how life doesn't give me a rest in the not exerting any effort 2 make me feel beat up,suffer and squeeze lots of effort with me resisting with reluctance as I feel like some crazy is putting my face on a razor sharp sieve that I wanna do what I wanna do preferably guilt free with a feeling of freedom and knowing that do what I wanna do isn't viceful (it's not like I'm robbing a store 2 get material stuff for example).In this case what I want isn't neccesarily material but more like tanglibly interpretive-ble attributes.Physical attributes that is.

With biotech I soon painfully learned how vital lab skills are and how it seems 2b that the common trend is that instructors are sorta snappy (not to mention all the liability of working with this material and equipment).With this program it didn't help that I was crying and trying to keep myself from balling my eyeballs out 1/2 of last semester while I sat there listening to almost undeciperable computer stuff that takes a long time to understand once u get past the fear of it ("logic is intuitive" my a--- -_-) which lives on in the a-- pain I feel with Java.Sitting in front of a computer feeling like banging your head b/c you dont understand wth this thing means and how to do it can make u pretty restless b/c it's stupid 2 feel stuck and trapped b/c of the limitations of the instructions yer trying 2 give a machine.I mean sure we cant all gain our muscle by never having touched a weight like gymnasts (I think) do but were not all looking 4 Olympic level stuff.That's one reason 4 me being interested in gaining finesse from dances of the sociable,recognized,been around for a long time and commonly recognized sort (like a lot of Hispanic dancing) instead of modern stuff that's supposed 2b ok,tolerated and not laughable at clubs (I'm looking at you "Harlem shake" and Gangam style if anyone still remembers you).

Huh.So often dancing these days is construed with sex like with a lot club style dancing and music videos.But why not corelating it with true fighting more?.Like semi-formally set down stuff with a foundation like with Capoeira NOT that stupid "Work that body" girl fighting stuff in the Nelly song.I mean after all..wouldn't that approach be lucrative anyways [Tee-hee].

It's incredibly interesting to have read up about martial arts for examples.Much more interesting then any run of the mill stereotypical stuff can tell you about the "tricks" in Asian martial arts or the overt "brutality" (as it's made to be with pop culture depictions) of boxing and wrestling and the full contact styles overly rated on like UFC.There spiritual facets to a lot of them (even Muay Thai),there facets of other aspects of physical culture parts like yoga as is well known ( a lot of exercises for Indian martial arts have similar looking movements) and dancing (the footwork of some boxers and most famously the footwork of Capoeira not to mention other traditional dances from around the world).I'd even say it's my interest in Capoeira's origins from African cultures which has gotten me into my latest music kick of listening to Afropop. DANG MAN!.I'd say that Afropop has some of the best english language music I've heard in a long time that's consistently fun and danceable while not being to "dirty".Blessings upon the ppl who make over hour long youtube videos like this ! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbvgu9nMJSg .

The spiritual aspects I've found with other cultures and physical activity (esp.when there thinking about the organs and not just "plain muscle") have really made me feel that I can find my own angle/approach to "working out" which is better than the stupid high school trend of boys going to the gym when they hit puberty and then strutting around when they talk about their muscles like a Jersey Shore jerk which all subtly contributes 2 that infuriating aspect of human nature 4 the search 4 domination and superiority -_- .

Think of this:how many of them are doing those execerises with deep thoughts in mind of KEEPING that muscular integrity into *old age* and not just the usual shallowly thought out goal of getting muscles 2b strong,attract girls and not have anyone "mess around with them".It's pretty difficult 2 mantain muscular intrgrity imo if your relying on stuff that is based a lot on strain (weight execerses) instead of (imo `_`) the more "organic" methods of stretching which are more accesible to anyone from a very early age (unlike weight training recommendiblity) and is also thankfully more "appropraitely " accessible to women (more often so says the social census) then weight training.It's like trying to compare how much more often you can use a certain ingredient in certain foods than another ingriedent.

I've been thinking about maybe taking up pilates instead of yoga.Originally I was thinking of doing Tummo yoga (a Tibetan style) that Wim Hof used to do stuff like being immersed in an ice bath 4 a long time and walk up Kilimanjaro in shorts.Why do I need a kind of yoga to generate "internal heat":I live in *Canada* man -_-,that's why.I mean I've got no problem with the presence and concepts of Hinduism and the Dharmic religions in yoga (I find that very interesting without even having to *do* the execerises) but if I'd like to get my head into stuff about the Dharmic religions I'd rather read up about them and look up stuff about them first and maybe stay at that stage.Besides there's the Taoist stuff in Tai-chi that I gotta get a hand on !.Pilates is useful for the ground exercises which I wanna get used to (seeing as how I"ve always had problems doing pushups and the thought of a jerk PE teacher or army officer type is a common one in my mind).Maybe even with just that I'll find a way to keep myself with inner warmth esp.to the feet and hands which are numb with cold so often (my feet a little bit right now).

Yet all this ties to something I have with "usefullness" ..which I'll get to one day.

This whole thing about me and restlessness also relates to how I was talking to one of my sisters friends a few days ago about doing something graphics design related.I remember how even though she said that "getting into graphic arts is competitive" I'm not neccesarily going 4 it 4 the money.It's to finally give myself an inner peace of having done something I like.That is[to say];art related.That's another occurence that I hope will feel like a plant recieving water.There's the emotional stress of having been in school for so long and not having worked,true.But hey we'll cross that bridge when we get there.Period.