I'm feeling that,that whole thing about ppl entering my program with open arms welcoming those who have no idea is a sham.It doesn't feel nearly as accomadating and open to the completely blank slate at computers as much as I thought it would.Those like me who just feel intimidated by being around ppl who r experts at info tech/programming stuff and who have the audacity 2 gloat about how good they r at it and their accomplishments in it.In a more crude vernacular the ppl in my program r what you'd cal [Lord do I problems with this stupid word] "nerds -_- " .Like 97% o'them have already done programming in the past and it shows in how the teachers compliment them and are pleased by how already knowledgable the class is so they can move ahead faster with the lessons.

In contrast it wasn't like this in my biotech program (at least as far as the lectures go) b/c I mean what kind of high school teaches stuff specifically like analytical chemistry, biotech,quality assureance (for chemical related stuff) microbiology,biochemistry anyways?.It was present in the labs a little bit with the 1st lab instructor I has.He was (it soon turned out) a short "malencarado" man who ussually ended his sentances with a "yes?" sorta like the equivalent use of how a stereotypical 1920's mobster would end his sentances with (ex.) "where gonna stick up the bank and the coppers aren't gonna do anything about it....see".

Despite his docile appearance on the first day along with that short stature I thought he would be soft spoken.Until 20 minutes in2 when he was surprisely stunned by the what was apparently us overusing the lab substances the class saying "we're chemists!...we've had experience doing lab work,yes?" totally blew that concept out the f----n window.He was esp.a stickler with me. Wow did me sending the mandatory msg about my mental condition out 2 him make him do that -_- ?.But what *really * peeved me off is how after his usual roundabouts of sticklering he'd go talked all calm like 2 a group a ppl who've already gone 2 flippin university and done and have a lot of experience with chemistry experiments contently remesnescing and talking about how labs and classes are like at university.And I gotta say I found them (particulary this one girl who yet again someone who I found okay at 1st but soon turned out 2b mean) sorta aloof and with a superiority that comes from already having done life science related things at high profile universities.

That's what I don't like about *doing* life sciences.The instructors are snappy & pushy and yer constantly reminded of how expensive all that stuff,how quickly u gotta get things done right the 1st f----n time around (note how it's not like u can stop in 2 practice with lab equipment anytime) the whole time with you likely have little to no f----n experience in your life with equipment and procedures of this sort.
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You know I imagine that if those ppl who I talk about in such posting like these were 2 find out that it was the weakling me talking about them the reactions they'd have would be scowls like u would get typing in the word scowl on google like these


http://fightyourcase.com.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/fight-your-case-scowl-angry.jpeg

http://www.google.ca/imgres?um=1&hl=en&client=firefox-a&sa=N&tbo=d&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=979&bih=415&tbm=isch&tbnid=Uhm_2tzmc9hD_M:&imgrefurl=http://blogs.ft.com/westminster/2012/08/big-moment-for-coalition-as-lib-dems-question-plan-a/osborne-scowl/&docid=8MQrKkGudG_vLM&imgurl=http://blogs.r.ftdata.co.uk/westminster/files/2012/08/Osborne-scowl.jpg&w=594&h=401&ei=L8XxUPvlBYqG0QHL1IDwAg&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=4&vpy=78&dur=729&hovh=184&hovw=273&tx=180&ty=144&sig=104826749558357555205&page=2&tbnh=158&tbnw=234&start=12&ndsp=17&ved=1t:429,r:23,s:0,i:184

which I've interpreted in this deviantart site piece

["inner scowl" by sidetrack1;cant link it now b/c I'm using a public library's wi-fi & my computer is acting stupid]

(I based it on Yoshimitsu's mask in the first Tekken game but it sorta ended having a sinister Heath Ledger Joker grin instead,I shoulda gone with a traditional angry oni mask look sorta like this http://wilsonrl1978.deviantart.com/art/hanya-mask-133860110)

and if I had it my way I'd only continue saying my opinion about them while internally getting ready by taking a "defensive stance" 4 any attempted arguements or counters they got or might spirng on me.

But it's b/c subconsciously they know that they don't really know how 2 react to someone with the sort of verbal articulation I use when describing things and describing them.With me it's always been about accuracy,prescion and details 2 get a close as I can accurate conveyance of what I saw or at least what I felt/my sentiments.So they go 4 physcial reactions like making faces thinking it'll forecefully make me comply more likely then actually trying 2 make a intelligently articulated,thorough,open minded,calming ,explanatory "*SINCERE*" *reply 2 what I just said about them.

*Lord knows that the only times ppl actually start doing this is like while being on trail in a court case,in a desperate situation

Be warned however that once/if they ever reached that point as much as it would greatly warm my heart (my hard heart) 2 see someone having done that I would reply in turn with an accurate to my feelings a response as I can even though it might again "hurt" them.But rest assured I'd do it with as much of a nice desposition as I can try to keep,that there being my principle.

Something else that bothers me is how f----n derailing it is when my body "nags" me 2 have 2 go use the washroom.It also bothers me how the routine of my Saturdays (including this 1st one at the start of the semester) when I should start hammering the flippin iron while it's hot is

i)(a) if I'm not asleep in the morning then I'm (b) lounging around youtube videos and websites 2 get the "fun" out of my system and get it over with early in the day.A remant of attempting 2 have done the "watch saturday morning cartoons" as a child ?.

ii)have a bunch of talks with my family b4 I go out at 1-ish or 2-ish with things suppose 2 have 2 go 2 a stop/wind down by the time I come out of church.

I know this is an unwise way 2 use my time esp.@ the beginning of a semester but sometimes a man *HAS TO* howl.

Hey also why cant we modify font with styles,italizing,sizes etc when we write blogs,huh?.That would really help.Also even though I'm slightly okay-ish now with having the teacher who failed me in HTML teach me Java the heavy lack of step by step instructions on the 1st labs already makes me scared & weary seeing as how 2 tell the truth I'm still pig-ignorant from my programming fundamentals class.

Gosh,if anyone knew who I was (my username being my initials) I'd be killed .Gtg now

xod_s wrote:I'm feeling that,that whole thing about ppl entering my program with open arms welcoming those who have no idea is a sham.It doesn't feel nearly as accomadating and open to the completely blank slate at computers as much as I thought it would.Those like me who just feel intimidated by being around ppl who r experts at info tech/programming stuff and who have the audacity 2 gloat about how good they r at it and their accomplishments in it.In a more crude vernacular the ppl in my program r what you'd cal [Lord do I problems with this stupid word] "nerds -_- " .Like 97% o'them have already done programming in the past and it shows in how the teachers compliment them and are pleased by how already knowledgable the class is so they can move ahead faster with the lessons.

In contrast it wasn't like this in my biotech program[...]

I 4got 2 say b4.More ppl are readily like this in my program b/c computer science stuff like programming is much more readily accessible/available.Even then though,it's not very welcoming 2 expect ppl 2 so readily know this stuff just b/c it's been out there and available 4 years.

xod_s wrote:I'm feeling that,that whole thing about ppl entering my program with open arms welcoming those who have no idea is a sham.It doesn't feel nearly as accomadating and open to the completely blank slate at computers as much as I thought it would.Those like me who just feel intimidated by being around ppl who r experts at info tech/programming stuff and who have the audacity 2 gloat about how good they r at it and their accomplishments in it.In a more crude vernacular the ppl in my program r what you'd cal [Lord do I problems with this stupid word] "nerds -_- " .Like 97% o'them have already done programming in the past and it shows in how the teachers compliment them and are pleased by how already knowledgable the class is so they can move ahead faster with the lessons.

I forgot 2 say yestreday that the accessibility and availabilty o'software stuff is likely a big reason 4 this but it still sorta excludes the ppl who never really had any prior intention or experience with that sorta stuff.

xod_s wrote:In contrast it wasn't like this in my biotech program (at least as far as the lectures go) b/c I mean what kind of high school teaches stuff specifically like analytical chemistry, biotech,quality assureance (for chemical related stuff) microbiology,biochemistry anyways?.It was present in the labs a little bit with the 1st lab instructor I has.He was (it soon turned out) a short "malencarado" man who ussually ended his sentances with a "yes?" sorta like the equivalent use of how a stereotypical 1920's mobster would end his sentances with (ex.) "where gonna stick up the bank and the coppers aren't gonna do anything about it....see".

Despite his docile appearance on the first day along with that short stature I thought he would be soft spoken.Until 20 minutes in2 when he was surprisely stunned by the what was apparently us overusing the lab substances the class saying "we're chemists!...we've had experience doing lab work,yes?" totally blew that concept out the f----n window.He was esp.a stickler with me. Wow did me sending the mandatory msg about my mental condition out 2 him make him do that -_- ?.But what *really * peeved me off is how after his usual roundabouts of sticklering he'd go talked all calm like 2 a group a ppl who've already gone 2 flippin university and done and have a lot of experience with chemistry experiments contently remesnescing and talking about how labs and classes are like at university.And I gotta say I found them (particulary this one girl who yet again someone who I found okay at 1st but soon turned out 2b mean) sorta aloof and with a superiority that comes from already having done life science related things at high profile universities.

=_= This dude is popping up in my mind again. Why?. B/c he might very well count as the last instance where I think about a lousy time I've had was teacher somehow of Italian descent. On Tuesday I admit , I knew it was wrong but I went on an explosive filled with offensive remarks tirade about Italian ppl in Hamilton. I also brought up Portuguese ppl but you know what?, I actually had much less to say there,there,what came to mind were the atttitudes of the student body of the first high school I went to which was easier to say "slag off!" too then what tension I've seem to grown when thinking of Italian ppl a lot of times.

[=_= D--- if I lived in the Westdale region it'd be one instant of the "well to do suburbia" scene going on instead of the "developmental roots" of downtown]

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On the up-side?: the weather is nice, Friday is here and the day I was panicking about going to accounting class,class was cancelled.

Occurred to me: my bus pass expires soon.

Intersting thought: in my mind images of sneering, stuck-up self-satisfied "down to earth" rationalists (d--- you first high school =_= ) scold you but don't bring up positive points. Interesting how they'd treat females b/c goodness knows that,what's more important to a bunch of European guys who like to act like they're still wallowing in unhampered patriarchy
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I think I saw H.C.'s twin sister again which is nice and I think that maybe schooling ending for me will "manifestantly" perpetuate the end of "extended aldolsence's" phase, which is currently a "vogue-ish problem for 20-something first worlder's which still gets the eye of this self-contained autistic.

This Selena song "Como la flor"/"Like the flower" is a staple of what I hear at home https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQqehP4YaRQ and gravy how I wish I could get exposure to Spanish language top 20 music more often.