-I forgot to say that another New Years resolution of mine is to be much less vindictive
-A regret of mine in the the string of things that contributed to my lacking driving ability was not going go-karting with the sons of my dad's friends,one time
-My mom scolded my sister via facebook for having drank so much yesterday
-My mom said that (one of the reasons) she doesn't like to visit my second youngest aunt (for special occasions) is there insistance on her drinking even though she really doesn't like drinking (esp."hard" stuff)

Yesterday's Christmas eve was nice but also one of the most..interesting in a long time.My younger ~Gen Z cousin's are not without there own socialization/life problems.Or "alphas".For anyone from a big family esp.when it comes to distant relatives like cousins^1 has anyone ever noticed that there are few that have the most "social bravado",attitude,ego etc or whatever and they seem like they can easily command attention of the group?.Up until yesterday I thought that applied to only us and my fellow Gen Y cousins,the prime example (who's female) being Perla the one who's famously socially manouvered into my sister's circle with them having a high fondness for her.With my younger cousins it's two boys named after their fathers coincidentally .

Yesterday one of my favorite cousins eventually cried at the table.It had to do with the seperation of her parents and how she wanted to be with her dad and was there looking at how well her mom's/my aunt's side is so open and communicative unlike "the walls" with the ppl in her dad's side. A bunch of thoughts went thru my mind while seeing that.They handled and comforted her fairly well for the most part if not for the a few nuances that would consist of not bringing up (just a few) things^2 .Then (on a seperate note) she said something about some really debauched remark her crash said which caused a facial expression of mine that caused her to laugh about and say a whole buncha more times to get a photo of it -_- ^3 .The two male "alpha" cousins got involved saying they'd beat up the guy who said that to her (though I feel it had more to do with their pugnaciousness wanting a chance out than actually caring for the problem was).._. I feel bad for how I was again I was a bystander when she said "[xod_s] help me" expecting me to make social manoeuvers for her to get outta of that scenerio. Oh how many have suffered similarily b/c their more capable frineds wouldn't intervene when right in front of them?...-~- man I s---k.

After I had to cue my aunt that I wanted to talk to her away to tell her what her daughter told her and I'm wondering if that's something that's been brought up to her this Christmas day ..-_- ack.I was nicely surprised by how my Gen Z cousins have no issue with me sitting in their presense.I rather like it.Being an observer to the development of these kids now that my own mind has (functionally) come full circle unlike the state it was in when I was their ages and I *might* be able to contribute a godd impact to them unlike a lost cause like myself or predictable conformist conventionalist a---holes like my Gen Y cousins,sister and (to a sprinkling lil'bit at least on a superficial level) circle of acquainatances.


^1 You got outliers though.For example there are the oldest male cousin and to some extent the oldest female cousin.Funny,for a woman who has the certification to be a cleric if she so chooses (she was sorta perplexed when I asked her once for what denomination she could be a cleric for ,in spite of a afaik it Pentecostal upbringing) she's a bit on the consumerist side what with the various bf's she's been *engaged* to a few times now.H--- -_- ,I even once remember walking to a library near the college and getting impatient for the d--- traffice to change she was next to her (bf?) in a pricey looking unhooded red car and not a glance at me that time -~-.A few times she's come across me,poked me and smiled in greeting to my dour impression and not a "turnaround the head" their in the seat of fine material accomadation -_- .Then there's me b/c of, -_- "personality" reasons.

^2 The vibe I got of the implicative "we're better"-ness of how they on saying that *they* are open and communicative but they sometimes *kept on saying -_- * how her dad's side is not.I wouldn't have done that and it's something I went into more on the various "audio-logs" I made after but then again could I have done differently if it was *then and there ON THE SPOT* as the active person talking to her instead of the "by-stander" in the chair next to her ?. I dunno.It might not go as flowingly as the stuff I write here bc here I can take my time and think things out and just b/c it's a preteen girl relative I'd be trying to console DOES NOT >:( mean it's to be taken any less lightly or seriously.

^3 And h-- her daughter said this only feet away from my aunt RIGHT after her talk with her on the undergoing seperation from her dad!.