Well this comes as a surprise to me _-_-.I'm back here again after yet another test that I did badly on!.Java is one of the driest subjects I've ever had 2 deal with in a very long time.And I mean a very long time.When was the last dry one I had 2 deal with:accounting?.That was in grade 10 for goodness sake.I don't like the remnants of last semesters "golden bunch".As usual their golden bunching things up with the ppl they attract and the clique that they form.

Um,let's see I could take out my rage on the snow that's out there while it's out there but here I am on a bright green couch at school with veins in my hands a poppin (out).How the f--- can you study anything when you cant conceptualize it in a non-convulted/tedious way that takes enough effort on it's own?.

I'm at war with myself.At war with myself for not letting escapists pleasures like reading cracked.com articles or using online "crustless cheesecake" which bites at a deeper problem of mine to move on in the courses when I don't feel like sleeping to it,which is in no small part due to the pig ignorance of mine I faced last semester.At war with myself b/c if I embrace the latter it'll feel like a more important thing that I'll have to deal with lest it haunt me some more and more.And right now I wanna listen to "Sweet child of mine" and enjoy Axl's Ros's shrillness to a circus-y tune by Slash.

In wider scheme of things failing a test is a d--- "first world problem".A bratty kid like myself has every right/deserves 2b scolded and scorned with scowls of men and women who are a dozen times more powerful then me before replacing me with someone who hardly knows any english from a 3rd world country 2 do work compliently and for some d---- reason actually end up understanding it better then my peanut brain ever can if it's not tempted to sleep at the sound of the stuff.

Why?.Oh b/c pain isn't relative apparently.Apparently the pain I feel with have 2 trudge thru this junk is a puny absolute compared 2 the utter <(｀^´)> "magnificence" of the pain of having 2 live thru a dreary famine prone war-zone which is "oh so noble a thing" 2 have 2 endure that it has to be mitigated by kicking me out for someone else to listen 2 someone's unabashed monologue.It's like b/c some pains are so much more severe then others it doesn't allow us to get proper retribution or even mention the d--- thing and therefore leaves us repressed and simmering in the s--- b/c of this life rule that doesn't allow it to lift it's head above the surface.

So much for trying to impress a teacher I failed once already.Maybe when/as I'm writing things I'll realize new things about the things I'm writing about at the same flippin time.Will this topic end 4 tonight?.

Oh yeah I forgot 2 mention.I remember how last semester a teacher a said "if you want to know how to color in a cheat sheet ask [me].He'll teach you how to color one in".I at least felt like everyone was gazing at me,heads turned for a moment while I pretended to act clueless in my silence (a usual tactic of mine).It was a references to how (note a few weeks before) for a mid-term test we were allowed to make a cheat sheet and all I really did besides the bits I cut and paste from the notes on my own was copy down *everything* ad verbatim (which he kept on discouraging but "meh" to that I thought).This tells me that the cheat sheet was worthy of memory and enraging to him even after all those weeks.

And this makes me worry about something else.At some point when u get good at something life obligates you (yes I know I dont have to believe everything I hear said but my mind cant figure a way out of it right now anyways) to "teach"."Teaching".One of the highest intellectual functions a human being can do.Yes,when you get plump with smartness it's time 2 pay up 4 the knowledge you've accumulated apparently with having to teach ppl.Yes,despite be...

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Unfortunately (-_- similar but not as bad as that one massively disappointing other forum I go to) I have a feeling that getting responses 4 the stuff u post on this forum is hard as well.Just writing this to get my brain flowing.I'm angry for not having reached the weekly dozen hours of HW I set 4 myself last week with 2 hrs off quota.

I'm having trouble deciding whether 2 do a cheat sheet loaded with stuff 4 a Java test that I'd be killed at without one or do my systems analysis homework with apparently simple but vague and hard to explain "entity relationship diagrams" to work on.I think I'll do the Java cheat sheet.Maybe I'll even ask the teacher 4 an extentsion on the ERD hw.

Tempting 2 not go on recreational websites.

I think he's just as nice and well 4 the same reasons that Mr.Gupta was known 4 as SJAM.Maybe even similar personalities.

that gotta be approved still and how short that title bar is.[;) Ada I'm guessing your reading this].

I 4got 2 say that if I get the chance or take the chance or do it I'll ask the teacher what made me get a mark docked from perfection in the previous assignment (likely a linking thing imo and my guess).

I got a good mark on my 1st lab though so I feel bad having call it a "god--- thing" -_-.I should thankful 4 that and call things that are not bad not be those bad names.Hopefully this stays as the only smidgen of this semester.Even if this is a retake of a class I failed last semester.I'm also thankful that the previous "lab 6" got dropped . ~ ` ~ *<:D Oh happy day!,let the confetti fly! ~ ` ~.

I still have incomplete notes from last weeks lecture (oddly enuff -_- ) about the answers 2 some of the dirctory stuff and I'm still peeved off by how the lecture where sir answered my question about linking got deleted accidently from my livescribe pen last week and I don't know enuff ppl in my class by name 2 go ask them since there face pictures aren't uploaded on the classlist online.That's not even going to working up not being nervous enuff 2 ask them questions and finding them.