The pevious entry was meant to be "I have underwent for the past 1 [year] and something months"...

I have realized how I am a creature of impulse,craving,desire and hate.I talked over it with my brother. I'm going to change the motor of aggression. Hate's inverse a common conflation with love,desire is for sure in me. It's one reason I get called "passionate" sometimes when I'm going on, about something. Even if a few grains of salt here and there have popped up that doesn't mean having been loud,obsessive and ranty were good things.

To make a 180 degree shift to being peaceful either as I thought I could is not something I can go so "go to" like. I think I can "do neutral" `_` before going into positiveness. Life isn't complicated,it's full of desicions. I should not complain for having to make those desicions.There are ppl here to help me and who see me like the moderators of this forums,who's presence I am thankful for.

I can proceed to other places for answers as well,like I've been doing and ..life's movement unbridled is not exclusive of me..

Cravings,intellectual cravings and fear are two things that cause me to be self-absorbed. The latter ...
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I read on this wikipedia article that ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harlequin-type_ichthyosis )

<Nusrit "Nelly" Shaheen (born 1984) is the oldest known survivor with the condition; she lives in the UK, and was one of nine children. Four of her eight siblings also suffered from the condition but died as young children. Shaheen lives an active lifestyle and in 2008 was studying sports coaching and leadership at Hereward College.[4][7]

Hunter Steinitz (born 1994) is one of only twelve Americans suffering from the disease and is profiled on the National Geographic "Extraordinary Humans: Skin" special.[8]

Ryan Gonzalez (born 1986)[9] is the oldest person in the United States living with the disease. He was featured in an episode of Medical Incredible.

Stephanie Turner (born 1992)[10] is the second oldest person in the United States living with the disease, and the first ever to give birth. Turner's son does not have the disease.>


Are all ppl who've actually survived Harlequin type ichtyosis.If you look up any of those ppl ,you'll see that aside from bright colored skin they're fine '_' .... ._. now knowing that those four ppl are examples of ppl who've grown up fine with the condition it makes think back to the "Mortal Kombat:rebirth" trailer I saw years ago

(1:08-2:03 ) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGnVh...outu.be&t=1m8s

where surviving Harlequin type ichtyosis is the reason given for the appearance of the ~30 yr old character "Reptile" and an added factor to the "monstrous" actions he does like eat decapitated heads is terribly inaccurate,insulting and disrespectful >:I . Had the makers of the trailer known that it can survived maybe things would have been done differently.

This reminds me of how stuff like being conjoined in a parapagus (pelvis sharing) way like how Abigail and Brittany Hensel are like giving the *appearance* of looking "dicephalic".

The reasonable explanation of having to your pelvis shared by your twin,your spines very close to one another and yet still being to graciously be alive is I think a cultural origin point for the myths and lore about polycephalic (.i.e. *many-headed* >:/ ) beings and creatures much like how for a long-time ppl with hypertrichosis were treated and seen badly as sideshow spectacles.

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The part from the "Derrida for beginners" by Jim Powell book (pgs.162-164)--what was presented after saying (paraphrasing) " that Derrida had to contend with deconstructing emotion for the first time since his...

[ Continued ]

I have underwent for the past 1 and something months a heavy
usage of lenses,reflective lenses,contemplative lenses which
a ubiqutious *MOTIVE FALLACY* which I unwittingly operated
with and under ,the atttitude and sentiment of my aggression
and negativity being VERY present..cognitive oversight,lacunas,
bias resulting among the outcomes.--11:04 .p.m. 8/4/14

I ought to wait for a year or more until I am stable,once I am
caught up in different hobbies and topics away from hatred and
then once I am confident in myself, I look back on my diary entry
and then just reflect and then realize what positive changes I
have made.--11:05 .p.m.

Let that be my motivation to do that and never go back to that dark place
--11:06 .p.m.

Anticipate the positive things about to come--11:12 .p.m

Right now I'm at a vulnerable point that I hated and my bad was really bad to me. So I snapped at the boss,got angry at him and left the job on bad terms. I turned top,snapped at him,quit. So now I'm looking for a new job and I am at a weak point and I can drift off at another topic and it can form again. Like a "cipher" . I can end up hating that new thing. So I have to believe in myself.

So honestly what is recommended (by my borther)is that I find some workout plan and really stick to it. B/c it'll make me stronger physically ,it'll make me stornger mentally. ("And uh,I don't know") I gotta know myself. I got know my traits and the facts that they're hard to come across and then I'll become proud of myself. Ya gotta know yourself first and then you'll just begin to admire yourself. And then no one will bring you down because you know otherwise.--11:19 .p.m.

("That's some real ash s---bro"[high-five])

--done in together with my younger brother.

Yes I missed another great day to do my homework -~- .Plus side personalized for me?,I've been working out (in writing) two issues.Both related to the ethnicities of girls I've liked in the past.

There's an old fb msg that I've edited names out of and a last bit that I sent to a girl (one of my sister's friend/one who pecked me..while drunk -_-) where I go on explaining why my preference for East Asian women on a physical basis.

Nothing fueled by stereotyped personalities here.God knows I'd grow infuriated if that was being done on me,an Hispanic guy far from hyper-macho stereotypes =~= ..

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[4-21-13]
Hi ...I don't know how to start this off but I'll say beforehand that this is a longa---- msg full of questions that might be of the "TL;DR" variety which is imposing enough to have it deleted right off the bat.It might be better to take your time with this one.... you can already guess on paper this is goes on for a while which is why I woud've liked to have talked about these things in person but I'm impatient for thi,dont want it to drag on for too long and unfortuntely to the disadvantage of you/us having a IRL *dialogue* with me about this I've decided to write this.On the plus side with this one-sided approach I've gathered my thoughts fully here.

First part:a more full explanation of why I like Asian girls..I've said this to... before when I revealed my preference to her (while telling her that it doesn't mean I like her) and I'll say it to you.I like dark jet black smooth textured hair,the flat round faces common with you guys which helps all the more to nicely present your features including broad wide and high cheekbones complimenting beautiful uniquely gracefully eyes which have a "long" appearance that kind of gives the impression of *always* focused and thinking.Unlike my eyes which are big and will make total changes depending on if I'm joyful,angry,excited,scared etc those eyes of yours have a consistency to them regardless of expressed mood.As someone who's mostly had trouble his whole life with making eye contact..I guess you can say that doing that is easier if it's someone (esp.a girl) with eyes like that " .It's only one a greater thing imo that those features are so common with you guys .Since I'm guessing that a common bonding activity is staring off at each other I would gladly be lost in someones eyes for while''^-^ .

Despite all the dumba---- ridicule you guys get I really think that's why many non Asians like you guys whether they admit it or not whther they know that's what captivates them or not.I mean how many other ethnic groups can pull it off often?.I mean you see it in Hispanic women as well but not that often.I don't really think it's much more likely I'd see it if I lived in an Hispanic filled area like a southern state like Texas,Florida or California.It makes feel bad for all the things I hear about Asian girls getting surgery done on their eyelids and even the intended effect that's sometimes ppl try to get with makeup.

Of course all those features I listed out take their own individual tweaks with you.You have a gentle,kind inviting face,nice ears and even have darker skin (which I like).That's just what I can think off the top of my head.Here's the thing about your outer apperance,if I ever felt like rreeallyy going on about how your appearance in particular is pleasant:do you remember that time that....tipped you off to that "thatsmyface.com" website where you could how you'd like older and as a person of a different ethnic group before we meet?.See something that I found actually more interesting then that is at the bottom it gives REALLY detailed specifications about a person's facial features,asymmetrical features and skin.

There's a sliding scale of like -10 to 10 where it compares your features to models it has of different facial nuances like mouth protusion,nose...

[ Continued ]

Call it http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slacktivism but http://www.change.org/en-CA is a site where after making an account,(maybe via fb) you can "sign" (really it's more like "1 up" like w/fb likes) a petition that can be coming out of any part of the world.

I still got sign up 4 OSAP cuz maybe it's just not working on my laptop,there's typing that I didn't practice yesterday,there's fb msgs about used txtbooks I still haven't answered b/c of time consuming stuff from yesterday like the logistical execution of getting/going to a different/new dentist and underestimating how long ~90 pages of an infotainment (vaguely qausi-graphic novel like) philosophy book would take to read.

I still find it a bit cold and what do I have to look forward to right now?.The awesomeness of summer classes continuing next week plus figuring out the cost-benefits of bus tickets or bus pass for the season.

And how can I forget to add that there is goodness in all cultures?,which I speak of b/c it's been by looking around that I feel good enough to say this and it's those varied thoughts on human nature stemming from within me,from others,from things,from ways and methods etc that keep me healthy as well.

Don't worry the heavy "grey to dark" spectrum of stuff that I just saw in Elysium is something that is tempered by a greater thing I observed earlier today.Right when I was getting thirsty at the library and restless from reading "Derrida for beginners" by Jim Powell (a book from '97-ish which I finally got to reading after reading the '05-ish book "Deconstruction for beginners" published after Derrida's death) and after the stuff about his stink up after the scandal of the 2 yrs dead Paul De Man getting heat having written for a pro-Nazi newspaper in early 40's Belgium there was a beautiful part on how the Madhayamika school of Buddhism (founded by an early Buddhist teacher Nagarjuna) can be said to be a Buddhist form of deconstruction.

Not deconstructing institutions like it became popular to do after deconstruction was introduced to the States in the mid 60's,right when Derrida (like right outta France) was suppose to lecture on it but with his stuff and mind saying it was "passe" (thus making *post*structualism) but deconstructing the self introspectively including the emotions.It brought me to tears.Again,the like tetralemma Nagarjuna uses to deconstruct fear popped up.Sure I guess I can retort on how Nagarjuna's deconstruction only works b/c from what I was getting in those 3 pages on Madhayamika was a brewing inside me of how maybe there's no concept of aseity,a metaphysical concept that seems so badly overlooked by ppl in spite ironically being the cause of like "self-sustained" being/existence.

(In Christianity it's used to describe the attribute of how God "just is" and is not created b/c of his self-independence and self-existence)

And also beautiful was how it explained about deconstructive psychotheraphy.Not a vicicously "tearing apart" thing like you may be have misgivings/be misdirected to think b/c of the word "deconstructive".It's something that the philosophy of decontruction has contributed a lot to building/making (ironic pun intended) .

I've heard how to define deconstructionism would go against the point.It's one reason why this "reading method" is both so liked and hated by philosophers..although the phrase "linguistic nihlism" is a nice one to pitched for making a pithy.I'm sure I saw it in the subject-specific dictionary style book my brother took out "Cultural theory:the key concepts" edited by Andrew Edgar and Peter Sedgwick.

F--- I should've gotten that/or those lines on what emptiness is (a "tool" so you won't cling on (?)) down.

Maybe it's just b/c of the ones I've read most of them have been philosophy ones but those "..for beginners" books while great infotainment for me have some thematically disturbing drawings,sometimes so crude,sometimes so bizzare.The one I've read on Einstein and African history weren't like that for one thing.The one on linguistics was mediocre-ish tbh and the one of semiotics hardly made any sense.Maaybe ,it was me not getting the topic itself although the few mentions of "biosemiotics" and animal behavior were fun and intuitive enough.

And something else I'd like to reveal?,I feel compelled to say about stuff like this sometimes b/c of how I don't want ppl who got/listened to what I previously said to think I'm full of more/mostly...

[ Continued ]