I had burger which was spicy and had "hotter than h---" sauce. I *really* don't like it when they try to grab your attention by comparing a food to something supernatural of the infernal kind^1 .

There reflexes^2 of hatred and negativity have to be lessened.It's great to have learned that much and this much ^3 b/c it makes it seem that this is one of the most meaningful years I've had in a while.One of the most substantial meaningful years.

Ex.of a place to apply not jumping to my "hate reflexes" is my sister saying that she had no regrets about having moved out.I *could* punce on that and "go for the emotional jugular" using that statement of her's when she returns in Feburary-ish.Things *might* unravel slowly over the course of the next year about that .Though seeing the seethering antagonism that we had till sometime in September it might not be unveiled till then for which I'll understand if it doesn't till that time.

antagoism,two forces,dualism..makes me think of that Zorastrianism particulary b/c of the duality it has in that inspired one of the belief systems in Game of thrones I've heard.One about an"eternal fire" I think?.

D--- all this talk about my sister and nothing really yet btw me and my brother!.I mean sure's he way more receptive and while brusque still 200% more attentive than my sister.My dad will turn half a century old in less than 2 months now,my 90's media nostalgia will still be seen in the internet ^4.

I count myself in good fortune that I've hardly fallen to sickness if much at all from the stuff I thought would happen on day of illness I felt around Wednesday or Thursday b/c of a helpful combnation of my mom's hot/boiled lemonade,honey,cranberry and grapefruit juice and spicy stuff including today's burger.

Expecting:good stuff on year end retrospects like increases in appreciation and acceptance of non-hetero ppl marrying and doign their thing

but also expecting s---y stuff like that darn Robin Thicke song and it's rape subtext and the Miley stuff which is dumb "meh -~- " thing to get riled up over.

A challenge to myself:is this truly my last blog posting b4 the year ends ?.We might go to my dad's friend for New Year's eve.

[listening to:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFTuYxpM7tU even with my complicated relation of love and hate with Kanye]

^1 As much as i know that's a common marketing ploy for spicy food in particular,which I like so much

^2 Really complicated reflexes but reflexes still..ad I know think that so much of what ppl learn to have to let go ,detach,get over,work thru,thru therphy etc is a lessening of reflexes.If it's learning to socialize that's a bit different I think,b/c there not only are you learning reflexes as you go and using what reflexes you have but you are trying to learn how be a usual optimized agent..optimizing agents (something from game theory b/c saying it's about optimizing agents is ONE defination of it,though not one of the better ones imo)

^3 All the stuff Ive learned this yr,which really got's it's ball rolling in March.

^4 Maybe with stuff about the LATE 90's this time around which I remember better though I can't think of anything to remarkable from that time other happy,shiny,cool,glossy R&B music videos ,boy bands and that anticipation we had on the internet's capacity which I think may be to painfully ironic to reminsce on ^_^ . `~` Ack,I see the same problem of unremarkability once we get to the point of the EARLY 2000's aside from Bush Jr's mishaps nothing went on pop culture that much that we still have not seen stop gaining and growing momentum.Oc\nce/if we get to the point of the mid 2000's I think we'll stop there b/c that's when things started taking there current blandness on.

And F--- MAN >_< !.Don't ask me if I'll be thinking of those days!.In my life everyhing pre 2003 was good,the school experiences from 2003-2008 were s--- ,I got a reality slap in 2008 and have been like trying the psychological equivalent of learning to walk without walking leg braces since then enough so that I can deservingly calll myself a functional human being since (the 3/4 of 2008) then.