since my grandmother's death. i think it's the first "normal" event of significance in my life. i was the only one to visit her grave. i went there alone, put a memorial on top of her grave and prayed. i also read a poem, the same poem i read on her funeral. this time i could finally process the fact that she is not there anymore and that her body lied under my feet. it was the conclusion of a one-year long mourning period during which the biggest part of my soul was asleep.

i feel i can finally go back to truly appreciating life. i have lost many things, but i can appreciate what i have. i'm going to leave my country in a month and it seems that my life has been purposedly much more intense as to give closure to everything that is still open. sometimes i feel like i'm preparing to a funeral, but i'm really happy about my decisions. sometimes i still feel some compulsions, but i've accepted that it will keep happening on some degree until the day i die.

i don't think i deserve all the good things that are happening to me, nor that i have caused them. it just happened that i'm well. i'm learning to appreciate it as god's work. i would exchange every sexual pleasure for living like this forever.

You sound good, and it's a pleasure to find your entry in the blog queue! Sounds as if big changes are afoot.

well, i'm about to write about something i've been preparing myself to all my life. some psychotherapists have the belief that when someone is about to end their therapy for whatever reason they make a lot of progress really fast. i think that's what's happening to me right now.

Well it'd make me very, very happy to hear good news about progress from you, sweetie. I've always followed your story with interest and I really like you. It is so pleasing to see you hopeful, it genuinely warms my heart. I'm always glad to see folks here doing better, but it's especially gratifying when it's someone I've followed with interest and feel a lot of empathy for. It makes me feel good about the world. I wish you every continued happiness.

it's weird for me being in a place where before i couldn't even imagine myself at. i believe it's everyone's first impulse to just come here and complain, but i think it's important to share our moments of success so that others may read it and see that no matter how bad it seems it can get better. i really appreciate what you and so many others have done for me throughout the years even though we're totally anonymous to each other. this place's been the only place where i could talk about some things on some periods. to give and receive is what keeps so many of us going ahead...

I can't imagine I've done much, but if I've helped I'm honored.

And yes definitely please! I'm so excited to see someone who has been struggling, climb out of their pit. It's so encouraging. It renews my hope.