i'm starting to like my promiscuity. i met a guy today and it was made clear from the beginning that i should please him. i did that with all pleasure and almost no reciprocity. he asked me to suck his feet and i did, i never thought i'd do that - and i liked it. it was actually my favourite part, because i knew i was doing it just to please him and would do anything else he asked. i am never satisfied and as soon as i'm over with one guy i begin looking for another. i can't focus on anything else. and it's not making me suffer. i don't want to become that, yet i watch it happen as if it's not me. i feel somewhat detached from the things i am doing, even though i enjoy them. right now i would definitely be subject to being abused if someone tried it. i don't have so much to write because i can't intelectually develop anything. i just want to be abused. right now i felt that something relatively distant from my aware self wants to cry, but it's not strong enough to come to the surface. i feel it's like a diamond packed with pink shiny plastic. i hope it comes over before i do something stupid.

I understand the urge. But ofc urge you to try and stay safe, sweetie.