ever since i wrote that last blog, i've been well. i don't know what's going on, but i haven't felt any sexual desire ever since. i know that's not normal healthy human functioning, but i'm happy to finally have a break. i wish i never felt sexual desire again. no misery, no obsession, no haze, no guilt. i've been praying the rosary everyday and i'm impressed with how much i like it. i'm learning to appreciate the mysteries and how each one sheds a different light on the hail mary. even though sometimes, like today, it's one of the last things i do on my day and then i'm too sleepy (something i ought to change, btw), i still manage to feel so happy as a pray through the beads. i guess i found a job but i'm still looking. i'm loving all the music i'm playing and i think i found the next place i wanna go to study. at the same time, i'm managing to get everything done instead of accumulating tasks and not finishing them like i do when i'm euphoric so i'm hoping i'll remain like this for a while. also, i've noticed i feel this mixture of anguish and sadness every friday - i wonder why. i guess it's the medication but i'm still feeling excessively sleepy - i avoid taking naps so i don't mess up my sleeping schedule but i could basically lay down and sleep anytime everyday. even so, i feel alive and that's what matters. i can play, i can think, i can feel, i can see.