i had a brief period of happiness and not using any apps and not wanting sex with strangers, but then i forgot to take my meds once and not i'm at it again. i don't like how dependant of those meds i've become. especially because i often forget to take them lol

last week i had a brief encounter with this man i was not attracted to and i did reach orgasm but afterward i had a quite unpleasant rash on my penis. now it's gone, but my penis is frequently inflamed and that is one of the biggest things that still keep me from having sex. i think i have to get a circumcision, but i don't really want to. i'm thankful for the pain i feel sometimes because it keeps sex away. i often have mysterious injuries and pains that keep me from having sex.

i think i'm writing here because i don't know what's going on. i'm so sleepy and confused. but my external life is moving fast...