i'm once again shifting in my interests. today i began feeling better about life and wanting to make music. i am hopeful. when i open the hookup app i have a profile in i feel sick. that's how i was some time ago, around october 2016. i then deleted my profile and remained out of the hookup app for some months (until this month). yesterday i counted and i've had conversations with about 175 different men in 20 days. how ###$ up is that? after the dream i wrote about on my previous post i had a different dream in which i had many books from g. k. chesterton and as i thought about them i relized that it's useless to read any book before i've read "orthodoxy". in real life i have read orthodoxy and it's the most important book of my life. i guess the meaning of the dream is that it's useless for me to fixate on any subjects of the faith until i have an orthodox foundation. and the other dream meant that right now i have things (the band faun may be a reference do satyromania and plus it's on my phone, with which i have a bizarre relationship due to the hookup app) which stop me from participating on the sacraments like everyone else. i believe these dreams were sent to me by god and they have worked in ways other than just the intellectual way. i am so grateful that i'm stopping to get hooked on hooking up. one thing that bothers me A LOT is that my therapist thinks that my religion is a way of repressing my sexuality and that the reason my sexuality is out of control is because i've been repressing it for a very long time. on top of everything, and the worst part, is that she has a clear disbelief that i might ever be able to be celibate or marry to a woman and be happy. today she talked as if my felling in love with women was a way of punishing myself like my addiction is. this honestly makes me consider looking for a different therapist who actually respects my religion and doesn't try to impose on me his ideas of what people should be like. this is why i hate jungians.