about my last post, i gave in and ended up masturbating two times (on that night and on the morning after) remembering experienced with men i've had. funny how i can get super turned on by the reminiscence of something that didn't actually give me pleasure.

anyway, after the second time, i was laid down on the couch and everything was just arranged so i would remain there feeling miserable about life all afternoon and night, maybe even sleep so that my sleeping schedule got even worse. then i decided that if i didn't do anything on that exact moment i would lose the rest of my day. i got up, went for lunch, then talked to some friends on facebook (my phone is broken, which makes losing time much harder), then went on to practice music all afternoon, had dinner and went over to play some duets with a friend - afterwards we went to subway and i had so much to eat, i ate so much that afterwards i was sleepy, so it was around 3 am (3 hours before my usual bedtime) when i went to sleep. i actually crashed on the couch, which i've been doing instead of going into my bed for the past few days. so today i woke up again, then practiced all day long and went to the movies. just got home. god help me remain that way. i am so happy, ive had no compulsions, i'm getting so satisfied with my results. i'm going to start taking ballet lessons. i will take posession of my body. my rapist cannot have it forever.