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the day after
yesterday, after an useless day, watched three movies in a row and went to bed when the sun was rising. slept until 2pm, woke up without compulsions. got aroused later and masturbated - probably shouldn't have, but it wasn't out of compulsion, just normal sexual arousal. it's good to remember i still have some normal arousal. now i feel i'm back to my productive life. no compulsions atm. i'm happy that i got out of it, i used to spend days trapped in that hateful whirl of nightmare. let's see how long it lasts now.
you see me trying to climb on this pole, but i'm just hiding the pain that's deep in my soul.
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