i have been doing a lot of binge watching and pointless internet surfing, which is usually the standard for when i'm not well. it's not like i'm too hooked on it, it's more like a way to pass time. that's what i've been doing with my time, passing it, letting it go away. i've been showering less than would be appropriate (not much less, since i tend to get painful scalp inflammations if my hair gets dirty) and sleeping too much (about 10h a day) and i'm basically staying up all night every day. i wake up after lunch time and miss most of my day. i used to read nice books, finish them real quick, have a lot of fun in reading them. not i just don't grab a book. if i grab one, i might enjoy it, though. haven't been studying or practicing. i really think i have to pull it together and try to do the things i used to even if i don't feel like it, because let's be honest: i also don't feel like wasting my whole life on nothing.

plus, i've been accepted on a study about hypersexual behavior and it requires me to write a daily journal. i'm not sure whether i'll keep writing here, even though i'll still be active on the forums. let's see. i don't really know what the study will be like. i thought about pasting here what i write there, but that would be dumb because it would ruin anonimity (not that i'm not anonymous here). funny thing, the "character" i've created here, i don't use it anywhere else. if anyone googled the nickname i use for my online sex adventures they'd find a lot of $#%^ (although i also remain anonymous there). don't really know if anyone's ever bothered. by the way, i hate my nickname here. it was a cool idea, but a horrible execution.

i also wanted to write about how i hate the way people smell. i'm not talking about sweat or anything, just the actual smell people have. it's so aggressive to my nose and probably the worst part of my sexual encounters with strangers. on the last time i already knew i was going to hate it from the beginning because i could smell the "people scent" right on our first contact.

The older I get, the more sensitive my nose seems to be to bodily odours. I understand, to some extent, at least.

Not to influence you, but I will miss your blog, if you choose to quit.

the study only lasts a month. after that i'll probably be back here...