not many new things have been going through my mind despite some new things in my life. i'm slowly realizing that a pretty high number of my friends who are around my age are going through hard times. yesterday a friend was feeling down and we would meet but she asked if we could do it today and i realized that it couldn't be today because i already had set a meeting with another friend who was feeling down! i am managing to get things done even though not as well as i'd like to. i've been feeling really tired (probably because of not having much to do that involves getting out of my house) and today the dose of my medication was raised. let's see how that goes. i've felt some compulsions this week on which i acted by having sex with the guy i had last had sex with instead of with a stranger, which didn't make me feel awful so i guess it was a good solution. i don't want to become a whiny person, but i'm still very upset and i don't believe i will stop being upset about the fact that i'm not taking joy from anything anymore. i talked about it with my psychiatrist the other day and i told her that it's not that i don't like the things i used to like anymore. i still like them, it's just that the energy i had to seek them before is gone. the course of the river is still there, but it's dry. i can still follow my path, but i have to do it by foot instead of being naturally carried away by the water.