i have had success deleting all my apps and accounts. i havent looked for anonymous sex since then. i've had sex with a guy i've had sex with a couple times before and it was good... although everytime it seems i'm a little more hurt (physically).

i feel like demons are trying to get to me. today i dreamed that a demon talked to me pretending to be archangel gabriel, and it was later exorcised and its name revealed by the true archangels gabriel and michael... even when i'm fine, it always seems like there is a strong tension inside me trying to push me back to my old behavior, trying to make me reach out to anonymous, meaningless, painful sex. at the same time, if i do give in, something inside me forces me to come back to myself. this force is stronger. i think i will have to deal with this struggle for the rest of my life.

i've been having a very difficult time accepting that i might never marry a woman and have a family... i don't know what will be the purpose of my life if not that. maybe all that will be left is devoting my life to religion. is this the fundamental poverty of the faith? because sometimes i feel that in order to truly embrace my faith i will have to give up on all the things i have, or that i wish i had. i will just have to stop trying to reach for them and embrace something based on the promise of eternity.

I don't have an answer. I'm not same-sex sexually active, but I sympathise. I feel the tug between that desire and the feeling that I shouldn't have it, that I should only have attraction for women.

I've had my own demonic dream similar to that- dream or a visitation, an incubus was having sex with me- this invisible thing entering me from behind, as imps held me down. It was enjoyable until I awoke, terrified and completely drained of energy, feeling as if the life had been being sucked out of me. That was some years ago. I've often wondered if it wasn't emblematic of my internal struggle. Your dream reminds me of that.

i generally interpret all dreams as synbols, but i do have a belief that demons do really exist, although their action is mostly different from popular belief. in my dream the demon was really trying to trick me into questioning my faith, a symbol related to my reaction against my family's belief (which i have left).

however, i've dreamt about sexual demons before as well, and they always follow the pattern you describe; everything seems really good until one wakes up and realizes the truth about what was going on... i have noticed that so many homosexuals find in sex a path to self destruction and addiction. on the one side there is a social pressure for the homosexual to hate himself, and on the other there is this pressure for self-destruction, which is frequently supported by a supposedly lgbt-friendly community. it seems like one is all by oneself when striving for some mental health. anyway, i believe dreams about sexual demons may have something to do with this self-destructive trait many MSM share.

It very well might.

I would have thought it just a dream, except for the extreme state of exhaustion and fear, when I awoke. While it was going on, it was quite enjoyable, even though what was penetrating me, was invisible. The imps holding me down, looked like little grinning elves. But yes if there's a hidden mental message I'd agree with the idea that it represents a feeling that the homosexual desires I feel are self-destructive and take energy from me that I would be spending on other things.

Like you I believe in demons, but I don't know what role they are allowed to play. Mental game or not, I refer to that dream as my incubus... if it was real, I'm almost grateful for the energy draining- otherwise I might be tempted to want it to happen, again. But it was probably extreme fatigue plus my mental state at the time.

there is something mysterious about the nature of such dreams. i don't think interpreting something as a symbol excludes other possibilities, especially when it comes to visions, dreams etc. there is often some kind of reality in them that cannot be easily explained with "it's all in your head". i like to look as the symbolic aspects because that's where we can learn things from...