It´s easy to write here. this way i don't feel like i'm interrupting into other's conversation.

well.....I cut again. I'm not proud of it. I'm almost 25 and I'm stuck in this childish behavior of hurting myself. What good do I get from it? no one knows, and if they see, it's like they've seen nothing. they don't ask, i don't tell.

I'm scared of being intimate with my boyfriend. I've been cutting on my upper arm....it's a mess. quite a few scars...long scars. It's just that work has been so stressful, I've been dealing with rage episodes...it's just sick. I guess I should quit, but I do like the job. Besides, what kind of person would I be if I just quit like that? This is just another step in life. It has to get better....or they have to kick me out first, but I won't quit. I just hope I can contain myself and not do something stupid there....like cutting too deep...'cause yes, i forgot to mention, I've been cutting at work...yeah, i know, what a looser. That's me...

Anyway, i will get another tattoo!
I'm excited and scared. will it keep me from getting another job? Maybe. that's one of the reasons why i shouldn't quit.

i will get a feather o r feathers in colors....not quite sure, i gave my tattoo artist all the info, he will come up with a design. he's good, i really like his drawings/tattoos.

kinda thinking about adding a phrase to the feather. "will never stop" kinda to keep me going, but i'm not so sure. maybe on the other side of my rib cage.....which is where the feather(s) will go.

I've know this for a while but putting it out there hopefully will ease my mind.
I'm addicted to pain. Hence the piercings, hence the cuts. I like it. It feels good. Physical pain only, emotional not really. It's sucks to feel depressed and not being able to get away from my own thoughts.

Everyday I'm learning how ###$ up I am. Couldn't find a nicer word for the description. but I am. Don't even know why or how, I just am. Won't let this go on. it will stop with me. I don't want to create a person with this. No. It's not fair. Why would a little person suffer just because I want. Not fair at all.

well....got a little too much out off topic. New tattoo...pretty excited. That gives me joy....and hope....will keep thinking of the phrase....i like it.... Will never stop. sounds good.