I have been doing some thinking about my cheating situation. I want to stop. which reminds me of a placebo song

"I know you wanna stop, there is no return from this point on
be glad for what you've got, maybe you won't take too long to burn"

when i first heard this i thought wtf sounds like it's for me. I know there's no return, but there's a stop.

I've tried before, stop talking to him, but if i don't look for him, he looks for me.

I don't know when this turned into something more than just sex. We now know more of each other that what we should. We are too involved with each other, I know it's not only me, though I do believe that I'm the only one struggling for it.

When I started I knew I was playing with fire, I stupidly thought I would never get burned. I never expected to get to know him so well. I never wanted to go this far.

Our relationship is strange, he talks to me about his life, he asks for advice even when he is older than me, he trusts in me, he tells me things I shouldn't know, and despite it all, I do not trust him. He knows some stuff about me, but whenever i've felt like opening up to him and let it all out, i chicken out, just like with everybody else.

sometimes I think that if I let it all out on him, he will we the one who will stay away, but I don't want him to know how messed up I am. I don't want any one to know.

One day i told him i had very little self esteem, I asked him why he liked me if I was not attractive at all, he just told me I was wrong, he said that I was a nice person, intelligent and very good at what I do, and changed the subject of our conversation.

i just don't know what to do anymore, i don't want to be rude, he doesn't deserve it, but i don't want him to know why i want to stop, and he would ask if i tell him to stop.

He's good listening to some problems, he gives me comfort like my other friends do. he makes me smile.

i refuse to ###$ up more. i'm done.