Since I started going to the dr. I've felt a mix of emotions.

I really want to get better, to forget, to forgive and let go and start over...but I can't. I'ts like I'm stuck in this pit of despair, loneliness and rage. Rage.Rage consumes me. Rage because I can't move on. Rage because I can't decide. Because I'm stuck in my own misery and my thoughts are clouded with self pity.

I'm like this because I wanted to. I don't have a ###$ up life. I chose to let words hurt me. I chose to keep those words inside me, to repeat them whenever something goes wrong. I've chosen to be this worthless person. I chose to give up on myself and let my mind remember everything that has been told to me instead of making my own opinions.

I don't want to leave him because he makes me forget.
i don't want to leave him because he makes me feel loved.
I don't want to leave that place because it makes me feel useful.
I'm not. Nothing of that I am.

I just want to disappear. I want to go away and stop struggling with myself.

I'm not polite! I'm not good at anything.
I'm not pretty, I'm not strong, so why am I still here?
what kind of idiotic joke is this?

I'm done with life. I give up.

I'm sorry you are feeling so badly. Hopefully you can process this pain in a way that allows you to gain new insights into yourself and move forward to better place. Stay safe and hang in there. *huge hugs*