A few moments ago, while reading. This thought came to my mind.
It was quite strange, like somebody had just whispered the words to my ear.
"You are getting depressed about love? lack of it? what idiotic thing, stupid thing to do. Getting depressed over a man, what's wrong with you?"

And it sure is. My life is not a mess, I'm making it a mess.
I have the power to stop that crap and just move on. So why don't I do it?
Why do I choose to feel this way?

I don't need a man to tell me I'm beautiful.
I don't need a man to help me to go on.
All that I can do it myself.
My family can help.

Sex? that's the only thing i can't get from my family
so why this sick, repulse obsession of being hooked on a guy?
the fact that he loves or doesn't love me,
the fact that he can or can't talk to me,
that doesn't make me better or worse.

I've seen it a lot but somehow it just hit me.
The first one to love me should be ME!!
I'm supposed to respect myself, to love myself, to support myself.
If someone else does it, it's great, but it should not be the only source!!

I'm astonished.
I can barely form ideas.
How could I be so stupid.
And I'll forget and go back to the pit i came from,
just because i love being there.
i like feeling sorry for myself I guess.

I keep shaking my head.
Jesus what's is really wrong with me?
why am i this broken?
can't figure it out.

hope this moment of self love, self respect lasts.
step by step.
minute by minute
it'll be a lifetime.

i'm worth it.
I can
I am
I am capable.
I am free
I am me
I am of myself.