Today seems to be a really crappy one in my head.it so wierd as at a lot of other points over these last days ive been thinkin how im sure my head is feeling so much better than it was some months ago, bt then I dnt get this coz literally 20 mins ago I was in the bathroom and I looked in the mirror thinking how I despise myself so much, how I shouldnt be here coz im just so pathetic- why do I still feel like I do,i feel so old,so fed up,so past all this now. I hate that one minute I start to feel like things in my head are clearing a lot,and then just like that, bam...my mind has been filled with stupid, pathetic, moanin, wingy, lonely etc.. thoughts. And I know that within some hours il wonder why I felt like this and wil feel better...bt I dnt care, im so fed up of being me,having my mind,of who I was,things ive did. I wish I could eliminate this part of me,saying that that would probably be most of me!:-( Im thinking I might be feeling like this as all I seem to be doing is arguing with people at the mo. I know that I play some part but seriously these people are convinced that they hold no responsibility. Today and yesterday I just feel like all theyre doing is trying to make me doubt myself! Maybe it is all me? Maybe ive done this to my whole life? Maybe nobody is to blame for any part of life except for me? I love my son so much,i cant leave him,i dont want him to be alone or sad...oh but I dnt want to be me anymore. I just wish I didnt have to be here just coz I am stuck. It is time of the month time at the mo as well and so I think that the emotions I get at this time really adds to the way I feel.