really having a crappy time...i thought this would have all passed...but it hasnt

Im fed up, im tired, im nervous, im confused, im angry, im sad, im bored

Its like ive given up on even trying to feel happy...why just to fake inside, be false to other people...now i almost feel given up to even bother trying to happy...

I wish i had an off button, i would sooooo seriously just turn it off.

Why has death got to be soooo fcking confusing and hard, why cant it just be simple....why cant i just know that if i was gone my son would be ok, why????????????

I am soooo selfish for even talking like this.

I suffer from a body image disorder, and i swear its obsessive. It has got me to the point of wanting to die before, thinking it is pointless because it became like it was the only thing i cared about it. It consumed me. And it does seem easier just to press the off button and and leave everything behind. But think about your son. How much would he miss you?
You need to start living for him, and maybe even try counselling. You may think its a silly idea but you seem depressed enough to actually be put on strong anti-depressants, which will help alot!
Seek help, and try and keep your chin up, your son needs you. If you can't do this for you, than do it for him x

hey, thanks for taking the time to comment on my blog, it really means a lot...it funny and really nice how we all seem to just understand each other even if we all dont have the same thing.

Im feeling a lot better than i felt earlier at least.x

Ye i am seeing a counsellor at the mo, it hard though as the way i think and feel changes so often and i only see him every 2 weeks, so by the time i go and see him i cant even remember all the strong feelings that i felt as they seem to be replaced by new feelings...wierd.

Have been on few different antidepressants in the past but they dont seem to work for me...maybe because by the time they start working i am no longer depressed...im something else...i actually spoke to my counsellor today and he gonna have a chat with my doc about mood stabilisers or something...guess will just have to see what she says...something gotta give though...

This last week has been a weak time for me, normally i do all i can to show my son that he has a happy and fun mummy...guess im just finding that bit a little hard at mo....

Thank u so much for your reply though, it really helped.xxx