I feel and look disgusting!! My own fault really,well partly. Lately ive thought that its been a good idea to cut my own hair,practicaly every week these last weeks ive changed my colour or style.ive never cut hair so I dnt really know why I thought I could do this, I been thinkin is it because its a way of tryin to change myself,not being happy with who I am. But anyway today I have completly ruined my hair,and im not jokin or paranoid,it looks disgusting...i feel disgusting. I dont know if it coz of how I feel about what ive done to my hair,partly so,but partly coz my friend wanted me to go swimming yesterday and I didnt want to,got me thinking how paranoid I am about my body if I ever go...and then got me thinking about how I hate my body. But now tonight,its like everything about me is just ugly or fat or just not good. I feel crappy,like I want to rip all the fat of me, I feel really quite ugly right now!! And I feel old and jst really rubbish with a stupid child stuck inside of me which just wont leave me alone! I am 30,let me feel like a 30 year old,why wont you just let me or you or whatever you are just grow up!! I dont understand why if I want you to leave me alone I cant just make u?!