Am I at risk?/Just need people to talk to.

Hello, have a few questions for all of you. I'm going to try and keep this post as consistent as possible, but I may have to walk away a few time if my anxiety peaks, and also ADHD can make staying on a single line of though difficult.
I don't feel like I'm really in touch with reality. Looking through a fog. Dream-state. Going through the motions. Zombie. Limbs move out of habit not so much conscious command. Introspection is difficult/impossible gives no concrete information. Brain fog. Okay going to try to move to more coherent sentences now. Definitely having anxiety issues, although I believe the core cause is chemical not external. Almost could say I feel as though I've drawn my core self inside to protect it from damage. Not being able to get to sleep until LATE is a problem. Have to be dead tired to get my mind to stop racing. Being tired makes these feelings far worse, although they persist even after 8-10 hours of sleep. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2L599fMDPI
I may reveal more later on. But this will do for now. Question was Does having derealization/ depersonalization (or at least similar) symptoms increase the risk of DDNOS/DID?

Aside: I don not at this time believe I have either DDNOS or DID.

no. it does not.

DDNOS-1 and DID, if you have it, develop in childhood, but they are often not realized to be had by the person until later on in life since that's the whole point of a DID/DDNOS-1 system. The system/alters are meant to help the host/main one "out" (which would seem to be you IF you had it) cope and function while seeming as "normal" and "ok" as possible. if enough symptoms are obvious to be worrisome, if alters are obvious or known about (by anyone), if the DID/DDNOS-1 is obvious, that's not exactly helping you to seem as normal or ok as possible. so alters hide, the mind hides the symptoms for the most part, and people usually don't realize/learn that they have DDNOS-1/DID until later on in life, sometimes even much later (it's different for everyone).


and no, you cannot force yourself into believing you have these conditions by reading about them too much or anything like that (that's another common thing people worry about).


depersonalization and derealization are symptoms of dissociative disorders in general, including DID/DDNOS-1, but that does not mean you have DID/DDNOS-1.


if you are wondering if you have DID/DDNNOS-1, these things might be helpful to you. if i were you i would see if i "match" any of the symptoms or identify with any of the experiences and if you do, then you should probably look further into the possibility of you having it. either way, though, if you are able to, i would look into the possibilities for therapy and getting a diagnosis because you seem to at least have some sort of dissociative condition/"disorder".


Resource Websites: (i think they do a good job at explaining things and listing symptoms and such)

-- http://www.dissociative-identity-disorder.org

--http://www.dissociative-identity-disorder.net


Wondering if you have DDNOS/DID

-- Looking for perspective (possibly triggering): http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic98598.html

-- Trying to figure out if I have this or some other issue (possibly triggering): http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic99016.html

-- A question about alter "creation" (possibly triggering): http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic100271.html

-- I think I may have MPD or DID (possibly triggering): http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic97764.html

-- "Forced" to believe having DID (possibly triggering): http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic100088.html

-- Should I tell my T? (T= therapist)(possibly triggering): http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic99946.html

-- How do you know you're the host? : http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic97968.html

-- Different Causes of DID: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic102679.html

-- How did you know you had DID?: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic101325.html



now, people often say, "well i don't lose time so therefore i can't have DID". these threads can be helpful in explaining the different ways DID can work and how lost time can actually be really hard to notice and be aware of:

-- Not losing time or blacking out, what's wrong with me? (possibly triggering): http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic97504.html

-- DID without amnesia ("main" content pages 2-3) (possibly slightly triggering): http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic95529.html

-- Emotional amnesia? :http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic95922.html

-- Any tips/ideas on how to recognize when I'm losing time?: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic101242.html




this is just a good thread in general:

-- How aware are other personalities (aware) of each other?: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic96030.html






and then these threads, one of which most of these other threads are from, could be helpful to you as well.

this thread has the resource websites listed above and organized threads from this forum that discuss discovery experiences, wondering if you have DID, symptoms, common questions, dissociative experiences, memory issues, all about alters, about inner worlds, communicating with alters, doubt/denial issues, and much more:
-- DDNOS/DID Resources: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic100829.html


this thread focuses more on the "causes" of DID, DID development, switching/co-consciousness/co-hosting (what they are and can be like), doubt/denial, and has a couple good threads on communicating/accepting/understanding/working with alters:
-- For all who question how they have DID/think their's is odd: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic104081.html




best of luck to you with everything. as for the fogginess, try to work on grounding or calming techniques, like deep breathing, counting to ten, meditation, using self-talk to reassure yourself (or tell yourself what's going on and keep yourself more "here"), wear a rubber band to snap around your wrist, listen to some favorite music and sing along with the lyrics (or lip sync or something), stuff like that.


- cassie (age ?)

(oh and for seeking therapy/a diagnosis, if you choose do, definitely try to find someone who's familiar with dissociative disorders. it can be hard for a doctor/therapist to tell the conditions apart if they're not familiar with them, and DID can get misdiagnosed as psychosis, schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, and bipolar disorder if the doctor/therapist isn't familiar with dissociative disorders/DID, or if they don't believe in DID, or if they haven't learned about DID/dissociative disorders).

- cassie (age ?)

Thank you. Still have many questions that you doubtless already answered, but talking them out really seems helpful. Could all be mood swings, they're common with ADHD. Funny though, was nearly in a panic attack a minute ago, feel fine now. Have a psychiatrist appt lined up in a month.

tomboy24 wrote:
and no, you cannot force yourself into believing you have these conditions by reading about them too much or anything like that (that's another common thing people worry about).
- cassie (age ?)

Are you sure? I've been feeling like I've been doing this alot recently.

Also I didn't mention, and am not really ready to go into detail but it has felt like my personality parts are very disparate and don't really want to fit together right. No blackouts, possibly just reactive moods. No voices, that are blatant enough (everyone has a little internal self talk). Never really payed attention until a conversation started me looking inside and not being able to fit the pieces. Guess in a way that is what drove me to these forums in the first place.

yes. anything that's happening now has most likely been there all along, you just haven't been consciously aware of it or anything. that's common for DDNOS-1/DID. like i said, the mind hides things and alters/parts hide, because they're trying to keep up the appearance of normality, and because with DID/DDNOS-1, the mind kinda puts things "on hold" until you reach a better place or environment or time in your life where you can better deal with things, learn about things, process things, etc.

-- "Forced" to believe having DID (possibly triggering): http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic100088.html



here's a thread that might be interesting to you talking about mood swings, alters, and switching, and how they can relate/influence each other and such:
-- DID and Mood Swings (discusses alters, switches, and mood swings): http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic102453.html

Ghastly wrote:Also I didn't mention, and am not really ready to go into detail but it has felt like my personality parts are very disparate and don't really want to fit together right. No blackouts, possibly just reactive moods. No voices, that are blatant enough (everyone has a little internal self talk). Never really payed attention until a conversation started me looking inside and not being able to fit the pieces. Guess in a way that is what drove me to these forums in the first place.

sounds like a possibility for DDNOS-1 to me, maybe DID, at the very least, a dissociative condition/"disorder" of some sort.

DDNOS-1 is more like... dealing with ego states or mood states, because the parts aren't as separated and sometimes not as developed as alters are with DID.

and again, not everyone will notice or be aware of time loss, and it doesn't always happen until you're in a safe enough place for it to happen because systems can force co-consciousness to help keep up the appearance of normality (co-consciousness meaning more than one part is aware of what's going on, but only one part is in control of the body). and there isn't time loss with DDNOS-1, but there are still separate parts, just not as separate as alters are/can be with DID.


definitely look into the links i listed when/if you can (if you haven't already). i think they'll be helpful/interesting/informative to you. especially the ones about the time loss variations and the ones about wondering if you have DID/DDNOS-1.

and this thread:
-- How aware are other personalities (aware) of each other?: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic96030.html


because sometimes parts/alters aren't aware that they are parts/alters, or they aren't aware that there's more of them, and especially hosts/the main one "out" usually isn't (consciously) aware, at least at first, of having parts/alters.


- cassie (age ?)

Thank you for all the links. I've skimmed most of them and will probably read them later While I don't think I lose time, it is "slippery" if I'm not watching it. A little afraid of implications if I accept and turns out to be true. What is long term outlook?

you're welcome! take your time reading and looking through them.


DID/DDNOS-1 is nothing to be scared of. it's a survival mechanism when you break it down. your brain developed a way to help you cope, function, and keep surviving as best as you/your mind could.

also, if you have DID/DDNOS-1, you've already been living with it, all your life, since childhood. the only difference is becoming consciously aware of it, learning more about it and yourself (and sometimes your life and having things make sense all of a sudden), and now being able to take steps towards healing.

healing is possible for everyone with DID/DDNOS-1 as long as they're able to get the proper help/therapy they need and be able to process things fully and properly, and be able to heal from whatever helped the DID/DDNOS-1 to develop, and be able to learn how to cope without dissociating. (sounds like a lot, i know, but it's usually all rolled into the same "package" of the journey to being fully and properly healed. not that this is a bad condition to have or anything, in many ways it can be a blessing, mainly i mean healed from the things that helped this condition to develop in your life).


basically, as long as you get a diagnosis, get a good and helpful (and competent) therapist, and are willing to keep your mind open to learning, accepting, understanding, and working on things, you will be fine. (might not seem or feel like it at times, but in the end, you will be fine. better than you are now, actually, because you'll be taking steps to help all parts of you process things and heal from things and work through things).


as for how long healing takes, it's different for everyone. don't expect it to happen overnight, or quickly in the sense of like a month, and accept that your mental and physical health is priority one over everything. because without your health, you won't be able to be as successful or do things as well as you might be able to or as well as you want to.

learning about this stuff now, as early on as you can, and getting a handle on it now, is a good thing, even though it might not seem or feel like it at times. the earlier you can start your journey to getting better, the sooner you can work on ways to help you maintain stability as you work towards healing and improving your mental health, which will make you feel better, and it'll help life to be better. (and no, having DID/DDNOS-1 does not mean you will be unstable for sure, or will experience instability, and it doesn't mean that you won't be able to be successful or functional or anything like that. like i said, if you have it, you've already been living with it. and DID/DDNOS-1 is different for everyone).



- cassie (age ?)

Ever since even allowing the consideration of the possibility things have been getting interesting. Probably just my imagination and anxiety teaming up on me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-pXD0FXLQ8 put this on repeat on iTunes , not entirely sure why, seems to fit my mood I guess.not all of the lyrics fit, but enough do


EDIT: adding another song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVQpfoqsY8Q

Will be back to talk more tomorrow.

Ghastly wrote:Ever since even allowing the consideration of the possibility things have been getting interesting. Probably just my imagination and anxiety teaming up on me.

or it could be that things are surfacing to your conscious awareness/knowledge that have always been there, just without you realizing it/knowing about it. it's amazing how much the mind can hide when one is not specifically looking for something or actively trying to notice things.


- cassie (age ?)