DID without amnesia?

English isn't my first language, I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

I wonder if I could be considered as having DID, I don't want to be "fixed", when I was 14 I discovered I could be a different person, from that day I struggled wondering who I really was, I couldn't answer that so I got depressed (it lasted at least 2 years and I also had depersonalization and derealization), after some years of introspection and investigation (I couldn't go to a psychologist, but I'm self-taught) I found an answer to my question and I accepted my limitations: I used to get angry with my "weak self", I used to feel trapped, now I know that I'm not my personalities, I'm the actor.

It's not like getting unconcious and being possesed by someone, I just feel/think different, it's like listening to different music, but I'm not the music, I'm the listener. Sometimes the music changes unexpectedly but now I'm learning to change it by myself.

I think in plural, "let's go to do ____" , "what do we do know?", I have mental conversation with different characters and I learn new things about myself that way, I also use it to solve problems. When I talk about it most people don't understand what I'm talking about, but I've found people like me, some friends and writers who talk with their characters, some of them report being able to let their characters possess them. For people familiar to computer terminology is like most people were a single process, and I have multiple processes, but I'm the processor and I'm also working as scheleduler.

Yes; DID can be mild to severe. You can have amnesia resulting in just minutes or days, weeks, years. I didn't even REALIZE I had any amnesia until I started working on my DID and really exploring alters and my behaviors. DR and DP can also vary in severity and how long it lasts. All people experience dissociation, DP, and DR- identity confusion in very mild forms. It when it starts reoccurring on a regular basis and interfering with your life and controlling your life that it becomes diagnostic. Do you have a T? Do you have a history that is related to DID?

Luvmycats wrote:It when it starts reoccurring on a regular basis and interfering with your life and controlling your life that it becomes diagnostic.

Thank you, then I won't be worried unless it annoys me or someone complains

Luvmycats wrote: Do you have a T? Do you have a history that is related to DID?

I have never talked with one. I think I will keep investigating about the disorder because I match a lot of symptoms and without the amnesia I don't get what is the scary thing about it.

When I read about people who are scared of voices in their head I wonder if it is the first time that they Think There is a big difference between "voices in the head" and auditory hallucinations. I used to have problems with my thoughts because I hated myself, so I used to criticize me a lot


J: You never do the things right, you should have done X but you are so weak
D: Then why don't you do it? I hate this, why don't you stop giving orders and take control? I want to rest
J: ...
D: ...
J: I'm confortable here
D: ¬¬

It couldn't control it because it was a compulsion, like nail biting, I think no one would ever thing that there is something moving his hand in order to bite the nail. However I know it can be a problem, I have a friend with almost no nails because he says he can't stop it and he doesn't believe me that he can. I used to do both, nail biting and self-injury, and I stopped doing both when I got a reason(wanting to stop bitting nails didn't work, wanting to have long nails did), it took me some weeks to stop, I had to pay attention and stop every time I noticed that I was doing it again.

I have recently created a new character/imaginary friend/personality, I wanted it to be an animal, something like a daimonion, after deciding what kind of animal it would be I chose a name, I can talk to him and he answers (always in my imagination of course), I also ask him to remind me things, and he reminds me to calm down when I'm stressed for things that aren't important at all. I can also see him if I want, but I can tell the difference between mind input and eye input. After watching this movie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOSOWNS3jts I wondered if it could be dangerous, then I asked myself Why would I hurt me?, being scared of your mind is like being afraid of jumping throw a window against your will.

I still have two problems that I must solve:

1. Suddenly changing emotions and feeling out of place. No amnesia, I just ask the other person to wait a second and then I continue with what I saying. It's like receiving a bucket of cold water.
At first it was horrible, but after reading some books about living in the present(f.e. "The power of now" by Eckhart Tolle) I play a lot with it, when there is something I want to do but I'm scared of (for example, being offered to talk in front of an audience) I say "No problem, my future self will do it ", then when I'm there I may ask myself "Why did I offer myself to do this? ######6 self of the past " because I'm nervious, but that's not amnesia, I know that I made that decision because it seemed to be a good idea when I was sitting confortable at my room. The conference went badly(they liked me anyway), because it was my first time, but I know that I did what I could, and I will do it again. I used to think I have sociofobia, other people with sociofobia tell me that is imposible to cure, so I guess it wasn't sociofobia

2. I have problems making decisions, I have no problem with objetive ones, but if I have to choose between two clothes I take both or none (or I choose random, but I would like to feel convinced). I think the problem is that I became neutral, maybe I should choose one personality to take the decision, I already thought an algorithm just in case I can decide between them neither. I don't know if it is related to the disorder but I will try it.

You've mentioned a lot of things here that are of concern that could benefit from an evaluation from a T. Some of the things, such as nail biting is a compulsion which can be by itself or a part of DID. Voices in your head can be normal conversations people have as they work out problems. In DID, those voices take over their own personality or characteristics to a point you can't control it. That is VERY scary. DID is nothing to be taken lightly even in high functioning people. Switching is mind blowing and gives you headaches. Some people with DID will discover they have shop lifted or gotten themselves in legal problems, some find themselves being promiscuous and putting themselves at risk, most people with DID have social and or relationship problems, anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, cutting, burning, along with missing time. Social phobia is a type of anxiety that can be a part of DID, but not necessarily. I speak in front of groups all the time and I love speaking in front of audiences- I use to have social phobia , so what you said is not true about not curable. With that said, I hate parties and all the loud noises and expectations that go with being in a situation where I'm not in control.
None of us choose to be DID- it is a very complex disorder that is created by our mind during certain developmental periods with varying degrees depending on the individuals tolerance of abuse and length of abuse. So, to suddenly decide that you want to create an alter...... and not to understand WHY this stuff is scary..... It doesn't sound like DID, but neither I nor anyone here can tell you that for sure because we are not seeing the whole picture.
I hope that helps!

Neuroexplorer, I doubt you have DID. Hearing someone who is not you talking inside your head, sometimes even feeling someone occupy your body and use it as they like, is a terrifying experience. Did you ever see the movie Men In Black? An experience of possession is like being Edgar being worn by an alien. Or the movie Being John Malkovich?

There was amnesia, I just didn't remember XDDDDD But it's wasn't DID because there was no fear, it was self hipnosis, I can't believe it worked, I feel so proud of me, now I have removed social anxiety, I can talk with people and feel confortable as if I were talking with my dog, and now I understand why people like socializing. I have already talked with my parents and friends about it, they don't think I'm crazy, they think I was crazy.

Though I don't quite understand the conclusion that you came to, I am glad that you seemed to have solved your problems. I just wanted to answer your initial "title" question, "DID without amnesia?" Yes, DID can happen without amnesia. It is only one of the symptoms that people look for when diagnosing DID because it's one of the more common symptoms that doesn't change from person to person. Since DID is a very personal disorder, there can be many variances between different peoples' DID. I rarely have full black-out amnesia, or "time loss". Usually what happens instead is that I get "locked" inside mentally. Sometimes I'll see a "wall", or I'll be in a "room". I'm aware that time is passing and that I'm not in control, but I'm unaware of how much time is passing, I don't always know who's in control, and I don't know what's going on "outside". When I first began switching, I didn't have amnesia at all. Instead, it was like someone shoved me aside and took over control, but I could still "watch" from the background. So I could still see everything that was happening, but I wasn't in control of myself. Some people only experience being the the "background" and never have amnesia with their DID. Everyone's different.

I had a bad experiences with T,when I described my way of thinking they were convinced about I hear voices, and I don't, they also gave me meds and I had to tell them that I stopped hearing voices because they don't believe me that I have never heard them.

Una+ wrote: Hearing someone who is not you talking inside your head, sometimes even feeling someone occupy your body and use it as they like, is a terrifying experience.

I apologize if I got this wrong, because I have not read the whole thread, but are you saying this person does not have DID because their alters don't freak them out?

My T keeps telling me that that feeling of being possessed, of hearing children calling for help, etc... freaks out his other DID patients, but Why? It's certainly not that I do not have DID, in fact I have the worst case he has ever seen - polyfragmented with 330 full fledged alters and he has meet a good chunk of them already. Fragments are not included in my count.

I love it when the other Alters take over and even before I knew I had DID - I had what you describe - parts of me that would take over and write, or fight or whatever was needed at the moment! It was an amazing feeling. It did not freak me out and I am told that this is one reason that I am healing so quickly - is my acceptance of all parts of me; my sociopaths that try to do whatever they can get away with, suicidal ones that try to kill me, animals - all of them! I also have pseudoseizures a few times a day and I startle like I ran across a dead body - if I hear a noise or see someone that I do not expect. I am a mess by most measures. But when I feel these things it just lets me know there is a part of me afraid and who needs help. I don't fear that, no more than I would with my own kids.

I simply do not know any other way. I have lived like this all my life and share memories of many if not all past (anp/hosts), even though this part of me - the current host is less than a year old. I was created because the last host could not handle life - this is the way of DID. This is one thing that separates DID from DDNOS-1, because those with DDNOS cannot make a new alters/host. They must deal with what they have.

Our other parts of our personality are not weird, they are not evil - they are simply trying to survive. That cool feeling of being possessed is just other parts coming forward - when they move your arm, neck, face, change your facial expressions - all freaky, but cool too! Maybe it's the scientist in me, but it is fascinating. You probably feel pretty creepy to your alter - if you think about it. You want freaky... I have had 20-30 minute long psuedoseizures, with blood curdling screams and I had no clue it even happened. Those do freak out my family a bit, but I simply see it as a part of me needed my help and I do so.

You already have a great deal of trust and communication between you and the other alters, work on this, then ask them your questions. They will start to answer. They will come forward more and want to be seen. Once you have better communication, then ask the other alters if you loose time. I would never know if I did or not without asking. The brain likes to make up stories to fill in the gaps. Start looking for your internal self helper. That part, if they trust you, is likely to be able to answer your many questions.

If phobia is what Una is talking about...
I do have the predictive phobia of other parts, but my rational brain overcomes this as much as possible. People tend to confuse the phobia issue.

This is long, but one more point. Don't dismiss healing. All those little Alters are hurting. They just might like to have the comfort and care of being one whole personality with you.

Neuroexplorer wrote:I had a bad experiences with T,when I described my way of thinking they were convinced about I hear voices, and I don't, they also gave me meds and I had to tell them that I stopped hearing voices because they don't believe me that I have never heard them.

Your number one most important job is to find a qualified T that can help you.

The dissociative disorders are complicated and I believe the T's that can handle DDNOS-1 and DID are very limited.

-- Thu Oct 18, 2012 3:04 pm --

tomboy24 wrote:Yes, DID can happen without amnesia.

I love your posts Tomboy, but no, you must have amnesia to have DID according to the DSM IV and the proposed DSM V. Researchers would like to change this criteria however because knowing if you have amnesia or not is tough, and often by the time we get into therapy we are co... and do not exhibit the amnesia in therapy.

DDNOS type 1 is the category where they currently put anyone that does not exhibit time loss. This however does not mean you do not have DID, it simply means that you do not know if you loose time.

If you ask me - I have no idea I have lost time. If you ask the alters and ISH's inside, I loose quite a bit every single day.

So for now at least, to be classified as DID you must know if you loose time and again, just because you do not know you do, does not mean you do not have DID.