DID and Mood Swings

Hello. I'm in a bit of a jam. I've been extremely triggered because of the position I am in therapy combined with the stress of finals. I am a perfectionist about school, so it causes me pretty extreme anxiety which causes dissociative states (switches and depersonalization).

Also in therapy we've reached a point where I feel stuck. I am aware that I have alters now, and my co-consciousness with the one who wants to kill me has increased, which causes a lot of distress because now I feel almost everything. I even try to talk myself (or alter) out of being so destructive, but it doesn't work. That one comes out whenever I'm angry, but I've been getting angry a lot because of my other alters that are not as physically destructive and I have less co-consciousness with, keep coming out because I'm stressed. That one comes out 100% of the time while I'm at work, as well as other times when I'm overstimulated/excited. I've been trying my best to stop myself from switching. Meditation, trying to talk to myself while dissociated, etc.

I have another alter that only comes out when I'm around men who I'm attracted to (I guess) and am intimidated by who is basically a vixen, and does sexual things before I actually want to, and is overly sexually flirtatious to gain control over the situation. That one's less of a mood one, and more of a sexual dysfunction one, I guess.

But does anyone else experience switches primarily along with changes in moods?
Also, I practically begged my psychiatrist who is luckily also my therapist to prescribe me something to make me STOP me from switching so much. Anti-depressants make me want to kill myself and foggy, benzos make me nauseous the next day and don't stop suicidal thinking and if I take enough to make me less anxious I'm not functional, so I'm starting a mood stabilizer tomorrow night. Maybe if my moods become less extreme (I'm a really emotional/sensitive person), I'll stop switching so much.
Does anyone have experience with having DID or other dissociative disorders, and taking a mood stabilizer, specifically Neurontin? I'm also curious about Lithium, because it's been proven to work for euphoria (which one alter experiences) and depressive symptoms, which obviously the one who wants me dead experiences, so if the Neurontin doesn't do much, maybe I'll ask for that, and then say f-it if it doesn't work.

Alters aren't necessarily triggered by mood swings alone. Do you know for sure if it's because of the mood you're in, or is it because of something else that's the byproduct of the mood you're in, or is it maybe something else that's triggering a switch? For example, Kat usually comes out when Cassandra becomes very angry. But anger isn't really Kat's main trigger. The main thing that triggers Kat out is Cassandra's feelings of being unable to express her anger, feeling helpless to do anything about whatever's making her angry, feeling too scared to express her anger, etc. That's why Kat will come out, because Kat is able to express Cassandra's anger for Cassandra, along with being able to express her(Kat's) own anger.
You should try to find out more about why they're switching and what's triggering them out. Is it really the mood you're in, or is it other feelings caused by the mood you're in, or is it possibly something else? The more you can understand about why they're coming out, the more you work on removing triggers, coping with triggers, and other such things.

However, to answer your question, yes, there are others who experience switches that are or seem to be caused by different moods. We have had such experiences ourselves.


There really isn't anything to help you stop from switching. Control over switching comes from working with your system. There needs to be awareness, communication, compromising, understanding, acceptance, and cooperation before there can be control over switching. You can't just be aware of your alters. You have to communicate with them, learn about them, find out why they do the things they do, find out the explanations for their behaviour, find out their opinions on things, find out their reasons for why they do things they do, etc. You have to understand where you're alters are coming from, why they behave the way they do, how they feel, how they react to things, etc. They have to know that you want to help them, get to know them, learn more about them, accept them, understand them, etc. They have to feel safe, loved, cared for, accepted, and listened to. Alters are PARTS of YOU, you're a part of them, you are ALL parts of the SAME PERSON. So treat alters as you would like to be treated. All alters are equal, and they all need love, understanding, and acceptance. They also all deserve equal rights/freedoms (to a reasonable extent), as long as they wouldn't/don't abuse those freedoms (example: all alters deserve time "out"/"in control" if they want it, but they don't get it if they can't be safe or something).

The only way for people with DID to function well before fully healing (whether you choose to integrate or not), is to try their best to become a cooperative system/team. You all share this mind/body, you all share this life. It won't work well for anyone if none of you are willing to share or be cooperative. It's just like playing in a kindergarten sandbox: you all have to play nice and share in order for everyone to have a good time. If someone gets all of what they want, others will be unhappy. You have to learn to compromise and work with each other. You might not be happy with a compromise at first, but that's how a compromise usually works, it's a "lesser of two evils" type of thing. It's better to please everyone a little bit than it is to please someone a lot. "Something is better than nothing" is a good mindset to have when it comes to being multiple.

However, if you believe that a mood stabilizer would help, it might not be a bad idea to try them. Perhaps it would help to stabilize everyone else as well. Switching is not your problem. It can make things difficult, but uncontrolled switches almost always happen for a reason (like being triggered out). It's what causes your switches that is the issue here (and even then, that's not the real issue. The real issue is the need to become more of a cooperative system/team). And if having unstable mood swings is an issue, then perhaps mood stabilizers would help stabilize all of you and make it easier to work on becoming cooperative.


I know we used to take a mood stabilizer, but that was because we have rapid cycling bipolar disorder. I can't recall what it was (all I know is that it started with an "L"), but we stopped taking them after a while. (I wasn't around for any of this, but I still use the word "we"). We didn't like how the pills made us feel emotionless, and we also didn't want to be dependent on meds for the rest of our lives. We wanted to see if we could learn how to cope with the disorder and figure out ways to live with it instead of relying on meds (we know they're needed for some people, but we don't take them if we can help it).


Overall, I'd say the best thing for you to do is continue therapy, continue trying to work with your system/alters, work on increasing communication and awareness among your system/alters, work on understanding your alters and their behaviours, work on understanding why/how they're triggered (if there's more to understand), and be patient with all of yourself. It'll take some time before things get better.

Here are some threads that might be helpful to you:

This thread contains resource websites and other threads from this site that discuss topics like communication, system conflicts, setting up rules/guidelines for alters, discovery experiences, common experiences in general, common questions, and more. (Just to give you a head's up, there's edits/additions on the 2nd page).
DDNOS/DID RESOURCES: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic100829.html

This thread deals with how DID forms, and how there's not usually an "original personality", as well as how people don't usually "split" (though it is possible for it to happen, it doesn't usually happen, even within DID). (I suggest this thread because it helps give you a good idea of how DID forms and how/why the concept of "splitting" doesn't usually happen).
Is there such thing as splitting?: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic101763.html

These two threads deal with the topic of being the host/the main personality "out". (The host is an alter themselves 99% of the time, not the "original personality" as people often believe, especially since usually an "original personality" doesn't exist- this is explained in the thread suggested above about "splitting").
I, the host, a part just like the others?: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic101732.html
What makes me the host?: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic101850.html

This thread isn't in the Resources thread yet, but it deals with the topic of rules/guidelines for alters.
Rules for alters and intro.: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic101978.html


(Just so you know, most, if not all, of these threads are 1-2 pages long. I know people usually don't like to read too much so I try to refer them to helpful yet short threads).


I wish you the best of luck with this, and I'm sorry things are difficult for you right now. I hope this place is helpful to you.


~The Hawk

lizmaryo wrote:Also in therapy we've reached a point where I feel stuck. I am aware that I have alters now, and my co-consciousness with the one who wants to kill me has increased, which causes a lot of distress because now I feel almost everything. I even try to talk myself (or alter) out of being so destructive, but it doesn't work. That one comes out whenever I'm angry, but I've been getting angry a lot because of my other alters that are not as physically destructive and I have less co-consciousness with, keep coming out because I'm stressed. That one comes out 100% of the time while I'm at work, as well as other times when I'm overstimulated/excited. I've been trying my best to stop myself from switching. Meditation, trying to talk to myself while dissociated, etc.

** possible trigger warning for SI etc. for the whole post **
I don't know whether it's an alter or more of an OCD-like thing, but I have had strong suicidal thoughts that were certainly not 'mine'. For me, killing myself just doesn't compute. The first time I had those I blocked them. And I did that every time until I learned that just doesn't work. It makes the thoughts only stronger.
A few things that did work:

• I just let them in my head as being just that - thoughts. Just like, this are my thoughts, let's see what I'll do with it. Usually, when just accepting them, they keep lingering for a while but don't get stronger and fade eventually. (this may be the OCD way of coping)
• Don't just tell that alter not to do it. It helped sometimes just to ask why she/he wanted to do that. Let them know you are prepared to talk about it (if you are prepared). Let them know there are always other ways. Ask why they want to do it (this may be the most important!) so you will understand him/her better. Etc. (this may be the DID way of coping)
  (It may seem like I have good communication, but I don't. It was more like sending thoughts back and forth and sensing mood changes. Very fuzzy, but it has worked to some degree).

I made one big mistake, though. ** trigger warning**. I basically said something like, if you want to kill yourself, well, kill you as part, not me / the whole body, so you don't bother me anymore. ** end trigger ** OOPS!
Although it stopped the thoughts 'leaking', it made me feel not very good. And it certainly didn't build trust!
I apologized for them, and they seemed to be accepted to some degree. Communication isn't good enough to resolve this kind of thing.

For me, all kinds of sharp things were triggers (not because it caused switching, but because the thoughts came back), so I laid them all out of sight. Nobody will notice it (my family doesn't know about any of this) and the times I have to use scissors etc. I can just handle it (and usually it doesn't trigger at all). It's usually just tiring to handle those thoughts and - maybe - also safer to prevent triggers (it hasn't caused any 'real-world' damage yet, luckily).

I hope this helps somewhat.