How did you know you had DID?

I tried to make this short but can't! sorry!


Excess verbiage - this can be ignored:
There have been times in life that the host (not the same as the host now) knew about our multiple personality disorder (what it was called back then. I am old) - such as during college, (several hosts were in charge at this time in life) but the memories of all those years have been kept from future hosts (like me) and any host that was in charge after we left this college. This Prof did contact my new Prof (grad school) about me, but all I was told was that he raved about me as a student and suggested my new Prof give me a fellowship, which he did. No one inside claims to know we had MPD before college. I dropped out of school the first week of 9th grade (a run in with the school principal) and was married at 15/16 years old. I did not study or read. College was the first I was ever exposed to anything about it, other than counselors trying to figure out what was wrong with me, but my parents never gave permission for therapy. The alters report hearing Schizophrenia the most when people would discuss me.

To answer the question:
The first year of school (1980) a little one heard our Prof (and President of our University) discuss a bit about what was known about MPD. A young alter named Hope wrote a note on a test and quickly handed it in, so no one could take it back. Alters say this Prof helped us for all the years we stayed there - which was 5 years total. The memories I have of this Prof include him visiting my Grandma (without me) and I only know this because my Grandma would talk about it years later - she was so excited the President of the University would come to visit her and would rave about me. (little did she know - why this was) I also remember him bringing presents and signed books (which I still have) to my house for me and my son who was less than 2 years old when I started college. I wish I was mature enough to have appreciated this help, but I was not at the time. I was still a kid (with a kid) and Gorilla kept him at a distance.

More excess verbiage that can be ignored:
The next time the host knew anything of the inside world (at least that anyone is admitting to) was March 2011. March of 2011 the host (not me, but Jessica) simply told herself that ...
it's okay to remember the past now.

From there it could not be stopped. Little ones (Hope again being persistent) would come out and try and be heard (it felt like being possessed - my arms, legs, face etc... would move without me doing it along with so many other odd things) and protectors would come out and punish them - such as Gorilla who was blind and as big as a house (the most obvious of the bunch). Pseudoseziures began - extreme ones like I was possessed and I had no memory of them, but they would go on for 20 minutes while my entire family watched. Those made me move in ways that injured me and made me hurt for weeks after. All sorts of things began that could not be ignored. This body would startle easy, any sudden sound and mild psuedoseizures would begin. This is how Jessica (host at that time) began to know that there were other parts that existed that could take over.

Finally we found a therapist.

Jessica was replaced by me a year ago, due to her extreme depression, but before she was replaced she found a therapist for us - and so it began. Asking for help was one of the hardest things we ever did and she did that for us!

I'm really glad you guys did take that first step into therapy.

I found out I had DID when my girlfriend admitted that she was 'cheating' on me with some guy named Jason who lived in my head. It had been going on for almost a year. She also told me about a few of the others that she'd met.

I had plenty of clues before that. People I didn't know who seemed to know me but call me another name, hearing muffled voices in my head, finding things in my possession that I didn't remember acquiring. I also had those seizure things. But it didn't really all click until my girlfriend confessed.

I've had random little black outs for as long as I can remember, but they always happened when I was alone or around strangers. Then I got married and over a month ago my black outs started happening in front of my husband. He told this wild story of how I was acting like different people. My first thought was, yeah, whatever. But it kept happening and I then remembered watching United States of Tara and something told me I should look into Dissociative Disorders.

At that point I was still refusing to believe it was exactly DID, I was hoping there was another one that it could be. Especially after I read the Wikipedia page on DID and it scared the sh!t out of me. But everything was kind of pointing towards DID.

So a few weeks ago I went to my psychiatrist to overview my meds, also hoping
I could get a medication that would fix what was going on, and my husband went with me. My husband proceeded to tell my psychiatrist everything, with my frequently popping in to say that I didn't remember that or that or even that. My psychiatrist pulled out his copy of the DSM, read the description for DID to me and said I "probably" have it, but he didn't have enough experience with it to "officially" diagnose me.

To be honest, I'm still in denial. I mean the proof is piling up, but a part of me still thinks it's something else. My husband says I need to get over it and just except that I have DID.

Very interesting posts!


Especially after I read the Wikipedia page on DID and it scared the sh!t out of me. But everything was kind of pointing towards DID.

This goes off topic and does not belong here, but I can't resist!

The Wikipedia page on DID is the biggest piece of garbage on the internet.

A whack job controls it and anything anyone else puts on there he deletes. He still thinks people have several personalities and that we get it by reading Sybil and through therapist induction. He goes so far as to call the professionals in the field that actually believe this. He has to present both sides or be banned, but every chance he gets he tries to make DID seem like it is some pop culture fantasy.

Oh, I also wanted to add that I actually thought I was "inducing" my symptoms because of the fact my husband and I were watching United States of Tara every night on Netflix and, on top of that, I was reading the DID account Suffer the Child by Judith Sppencer (extremely triggering book by the way).

It's still taking me a bit to not think that. I think it's a natural way of me avoiding the truth, though, and being on this site and seeing so much proof has started to alleviate my fears of inducing my symptoms, especially when I take in weird things in my life prior to ever having heard of DID (United States of Tara was my first intro to DID and we started watching it a few months ago).

I just thought I would add that in case anyone coming on this site who is thinking it might be inducing can see that there was someone else that feared inducing as well and that it's okay to admit your symptoms are actual real symptoms.

As for the Wikipedia site: my immediate reaction to the info you posted, tylas, is that is f#!king ridiculous. No wonder that site had me fearing the inducing of symptoms even more! It literally had me thinking I was a horrible person because it "confirmed" my fears.

Yep!

Here is a study that will put you at ease and if this guys name is on it - you know it's a well done study: Ellert R. S. Nijenhuis


Conclusions/Significance
The findings are at odds with the idea that differences among different types of dissociative identity states in DID can be explained by high fantasy proneness, motivated role-enactment, and suggestion. They indicate that DID does not have a sociocultural (e.g., iatrogenic) origin.

http://www.plosone.org/article/info%3Ad ... ne.0039279

Thank you so much! I'll probably read it tonight before my husband gets home.

You are so welcome! I hate the thought of you or anyone reading that garbage on there. Trying to fix the DID page on Wikipedia and giving up is why I made the websites. Both of them are the information I had wrote on the WP page that he (WLU) had deleted at one time or another. I don't even have one edit left on that page after trying for about a year now. In fact, unless someone believes in the Sociocognitive method, they probably do not have anything on that page that he has not deleted.

I tried answering this but it got way way way way long so I'm just going to say this:
I was in-patient and two of the workers there saw it, and even though no one else did - they did. They saw me and us and made me feel understood. I didn't really understand DID (but who ever does?), but I knew I was on the right way and that it was what I had.

Well i could write a whole long thing but i'd rather not. Simply, i think i was just researching mental disorders that interested me, as i often do, and happened upon DID. Eventually saw something about abuser alters, and found this wonderful article (link below) about abuser alters that i just related to a lot.

*article can be triggering to some*

https://scholarsbank.uoregon.edu/xmlui/ ... sequence=4