Different Causes of DID (*Trigger Warning!*)

*Warning, lots of triggers throughout!*

Well, i've been thinking, both about my own experiences and in general. I know DID is generally brought on my trauma/abuse, often of the sexual type. But i wonder what else can cause it, as in, for example, can 'light' emotional/mental abuse cause it? If so, i'd guess this could only happen if the person was really sensitive to that sort of stuff, making it seem more traumatic.


I guess i've just been thinking about it because i don't believe i personally went through any sexual abuse. I know it's hard to go off of basically no memory in the first place, but i feel like i'd remember something, or a feeling, or a person. i basically lived with my mother most my life, though i would see my dad time to time. My dad is really against child abuse/predators/etc. I really don't think he'd ever do something like that, or my mother. None of my aunt's/cousins would do anything like that, and i have no uncles. I just can't even begin to imagine *who* would even cause sexual abuse. And it's not even like i'm saying that because i don't want it to have happened (that's a given anyways) but because i truly don't believe that was the cause.

That brings us to what could have caused it then. Again, i haven't been formally diagnosed or anything, but i experience lots of signs of DID, and it would explain a lot. I guess i'd just like to know that if i indeed have it, what could have caused it? I didn't experience physical abuse, but i'd say i experienced some emotional/mental abuse from both parents, but more from my dad. I can elaborate if needed, but i don't want to write more than i have to and turn this into a novel. Could such 'superficial' (compared to things like physical/sexual abuse) abuse like that be a cause of DID? I mean, i know everyone is different and such, but in general i wonder. I wouldn't think something like that could really cause it.

It's also strange because i have lots of 'signs', so to say, of experiencing physical abuse, and possibly even sexual (though the sexual 'signs' could also be something else, see later paragraph). For the physical abuse, for example if someone raises a hand or anything like that, i automatically flinch and/or cower. There are certainly other 'signs' i experience for both of these (Which i am near-certain i never experienced), so i can explain further if asked. again, don't want to write what's not needed. I'm not a big fan of these 'signs' though, mostly because i feel like a big fake or something, even with the DID too. I hate it because i feel i never actually experienced these certain abuses, yet have possible 'signs' they had happened, so i feel like a big liar/faker making everything up, though i'm not. I wish i could just find an explanation for this stuff. There are no true signs (for example, talk about it in family, or people trying to keep me away from a certain person [abuser]) that i was ever physically/sexually abused, at least to the point of someone else knowing.

*warning: sexual talk*

All i can think of is the emotional/mental abuse i experienced, which even still, wasn't the worst in the world. i guess another thing i can remember is a few times, a parent 'having sexual relationsions' with another person, and either hearing it, or it being in the same room as me. i mean, i don't know how much this would really negatively effect kids in general, but i was pretty disturbed by it (especially because i have problems with sex in general. i'll explain soon.). but even then, how could those few things cause DID?

*warning: sexual talk*

as for the sex thing. i guess this is just another issue that makes things more confusing. i'm intersex (but male-minded. i identify as male), so i get extremely dysphoric at certain things, especially sexual in nature, to the point i get full on panic attacks. (also triggered by things relating to my 'wrong parts' down there. ex. i dissociate to take a shower, or use the bathroom). these can be triggered by just hearing someone talk about sex. sometimes, if i am prepared, and know in advance, in certain situations i can dissociate and deal with it better (i'm dissociating slightly just to write all this), but even so. heterosexual-related sex triggers me the worst. but a lot of this is related to my dysphoria of my body not matching my brain. it's not really a conscious thing, it's subconscious, and i can't change it just by 'mind over matter' or anything. anyways, i can elaborate if needed, but i guess this is relevant because i wonder if hidden in there somewhere are signs of sexual abuse, but they appear the same as the signs of dysphoria being triggered for my being intersex, so that they go unnoticed.

well i guess i should wrap it up else i'll go on forever.


long story short: i'm almost doubting what is happening because i believe what i've gone through abuse-wise (atleast what i know for a fact i've gone through) wasn't/isn't so bad and couldn't cause DID. also, i meant to mention, i feel even more like a fake because i only am aware of Duke as an alter, and seems like i have no others. plus, other reasons, like not even having straight answers about him, like his age, history, or even who he is as a person really.

i could go on forever but hopefully all i wrote so far makes some sense, and hopefully i can get some answers/insight. thanks.

DID is caused by trauma and the interruption of the personality developmental processes. It is not necessarily caused by abuse, but when it is, it can be caused by any form of abuse, not just sexual.

Trauma can be anything that is traumatic to the child at the time. This is why DID is such a personal disorder with many variations. What is traumatic to a child depends on the child's environment, the situation, the child themselves, any support the child does or doesn't have, and other such variables.

**Possibly triggering**
Examples of trauma: Abuse (physical, verbal, emotional, psychological, or sexual); Neglect (being ignored, left alone often, etc. Neglect is also considered abuse).; Witnessing or being the victim of a horrible accident (such as a bad car crash); Losing a loved one/family member/guardian during childhood (especially if the loss was sudden); Bullying (especially if the child has no support to turn to, isn't being helped by anyone, etc.- usually has to be an unrelenting case of bullying); Witnessing, being part of, or being the victim of a crime; Being exposed to violence (such as violent tempers, violent confrontations, etc.- not necessarily "aimed" at the child, either); Having great amounts of stress and/or responsibilities as a child (so being more like an adult than a child, aka "having to grow up fast"); etc.
**End of possible trigger**

Basically, it isn't so much the experiences as it is the environment that causes DID to develop. Children can experience a lot and still heal from it as long as they have a supportive, healthy, safe, and loving environment (having "good" guidance helps, too). It's when their environment doesn't allow and/or help them to heal from things that conditions such as DID, PTSD, etc., develop.


DID is also caused by the interruption of the personality developmental processes.
When people are born, they all have neurons that are meant to help in the formation of their personality. In normal personality development during childhood, those neurons will be structured, changed around, kept or gotten rid of, until they have formed/developed into a single, whole personality.
With DID, the personality developmental processes are interrupted, and so the neurons stay separate. They don't become structured or anything, and they never form a whole personality. Instead, the neurons stay separate, forming separate "sides" of the personality, which then create/develop into alters.


You may or may not remember the trauma that helped your DID to develop, but that's something that only time and therapy can really tell. What I can tell you is this- people are often surprised at how "little" of things can help/cause DID to develop. Just because things seem like "little" issues now, doesn't mean they seemed like "little" issues back when you were younger. Remember, just because you can handle things now, or less things traumatize you now, doesn't mean that you were able to handle things as well or have less things traumatize you when you were younger/a child.


~The Hawk

Hey I'm in the same boat as you. I don't believe I ever experienced any kind of abuse. I've just finished writing a post about why I think I perhaps developed DID or DDNOS. It might be of interest to you.

dissociative-identity/topic102715.html

FrankDarko, due to time constraints I was only able to skim your explanation, but I wanted to say something right away.

DID is caused by trauma and the interruption of personality development processes. Usually, the interruptions are the trauma(s) experienced, but I think it could be possible to have interruptions in the developmental processes that are not exactly "trauma", but may still be traumatic to the child and/or the developmental processes. Either way, DID is not caused by simply having too much imagination, or by living in your "own world" more than present reality. It is caused by trauma and interruption(s) of the personality developmental processes.

You may or may not remember what caused your DID, or it may be a case of things that seem "little" now weren't so "little" back when you were younger/a child. But either way, DID isn't caused by escaping into your imagination too much.

Skimming your post made me wonder something as well- what was it that made you want to escape into your own world? Was it truly only because you liked it better, or are there perhaps other reasons you might not have thought of or are yet aware of or something? (I'm not really looking for answers, just suggesting things to think about. But if you want to answer these questions, it might be better to do it on your thread. I don't want to hijack this one).



~The Hawk

Frank_Darko wrote:Hey I'm in the same boat as you. I don't believe I ever experienced any kind of abuse.

Trauma is not necessarily abuse.

**Possibly triggering**
Examples of trauma: Abuse (physical, verbal, emotional, psychological, or sexual); Neglect (being ignored, left alone often, etc. Neglect is also considered abuse).; Witnessing or being the victim of a horrible accident (such as a bad car crash); Losing a loved one/family member/guardian during childhood (especially if the loss was sudden); Bullying (especially if the child has no support to turn to, isn't being helped by anyone, etc.- usually has to be an unrelenting case of bullying); Witnessing, being part of, or being the victim of a crime; Being exposed to violence (such as violent tempers, violent confrontations, etc.- not necessarily "aimed" at the child, either); Having great amounts of stress and/or responsibilities as a child (so being more like an adult than a child, aka "having to grow up fast"); etc.
**End of possible trigger**


~The Hawk


(I don't mean for you, FrankDarko, to feel as if you're being hounded with my posts since I know I'm posting here and on your own thread. It's just that the same info applies to both threads but people may not read both threads so I'd hate to leave all info on one thread. Hope that made sense).

Yeah i suppose that makes sense, that the trauma could have seemed worse then. A bit of a relief in a way, so i don't feel like some 'fake' or something haha. It just seems like such superficial things to cause something like this. I guess i'll learn more eventually if/when i get therapeutic help for it. thanks.

Just as different people have different definitions, I guess, of what's traumatic to them, we, ourselves, have different definitions of what's traumatic when we're younger.

Think about it. A child that gets left home alone by a parent feels abandoned, unloved, unwanted, etc. A young adult/older adolescent that gets left home alone by a parent feels free, listened to, understood, trusted (to be alone), etc. This type of change in views can happen to a variety of things.

It's the same way that one person can experience something, and think/feel it was the worst thing in their life, while another person can experience that same thing, and think/feel it wasn't that bad. It all depends on what we've experienced in life. A person who's had more intense experiences in life is going to be more able to handle other intense experiences, compared to a person who's had little-to-no intense experiences. (I hope this is making sense. I'm fuzzy and finding it hard to explain what I'm trying to say).

**Possible Trigger Warning, mentions of family member death**
For example, our mom died when we were still young (10 yrs old). So that's going to be our "standard" for what's "bad" in our lives; it's going to be what we compare other experiences to in order to determine how "bad" they are.
To a person who hasn't experienced something similar to losing their mom at a young age, they're going to have a different "standard" of what's "bad" in their lives; they're going to have a different view of how "bad" something is because the experience they're comparing others against is different from our's.
**End Possible Trigger Warning**


So, yeah. What seems "little" now most likely didn't seem as "little" back then, because to you, back then, it wasn't "little". It just seems "little" now that you're older and have experienced more. (We've had to realize and remind ourselves of this many times whenever we think that things we've experienced were "little" or "don't seem that bad").


~The Hawk

True, that definitely makes sense. I guess i'm seeing those things in the past as I would take them now, and figuring they aren't so bad. But yeah, they very likely could have been worse to me back when I was actually experiencing them.

I wonder if anyone else feels this way though. I don't want this topic to be specifically about me, but anyone in general to just discuss the topic. I'm glad i'm getting input though, so thanks. Eventually if/when i ever go to therapy specifically about DID, it'd be nice to discuss everything in the past, and see their opinion on it and such.

If you have an alter that was clearly abused and often gets flashbacks of it, does it mean I was abused? I know I was but I don't remember it happening to me. It was all to one of my alters? (my main one) Does that mean that everything I remember happening to her technically happened to me? There are just so many things I find hard to believe could happen to me.

It's so odd to read about too. People are so quick to judge DID as needing to be thrown into the looney bin or just attention seeking behavior yet don't properly research it's cause. The weirdest thing is when you meet someone or even just see somebody's blog and it triggers you so bad it causes you to form another alter! It's like I see so much of herself in some people that it ends up becoming added on to my system. I have a boy alter who has the name of a guy I am friends with and they act so similar. I know he developed because I met that guy and he reminded me of pieces I didn't know existed in myself. Confusing.

mrow wrote:If you have an alter that was clearly abused and often gets flashbacks of it, does it mean I was abused? I know I was but I don't remember it happening to me. It was all to one of my alters? (my main one) Does that mean that everything I remember happening to her technically happened to me? There are just so many things I find hard to believe could happen to me.

I'm having the same problem and thoughts. I even made a post about it.

dissociative-identity/topic102992.html

I'm feeling confused and numb about it, because I still feel like this is my body alone.

As for the original post I do think it could be something other than *trigger* sexual or physical abuse, mostly because it feels to me from what little I know about my childhood that Jessica was the result of starvation. *end trigger*