Everything is about control. Either you are giving it up, or you exert control over others.

People influence how important they are by how much control they can get. The more people you control the more powerful you are.

We were all controlled by our parents or peers or loved ones. In ways we don't even understand is controlling.

name is changed "BONNIE!" In that high register of outrage whenever I said something that my mom found offensive. It puts this spike of terror, shame, and guilt through me. All of a sudden my thoughts are, "Oh no! What did I DO? Did I make some mistake? Did I do something embarrassing? Did I hurt someone?"

The constant judgement is a control in and of itself. Because someone who is allowing themselves to constantly be judged is allowing someone to terrorize them.

When I SAID the thing, what was my intention? It wasn't to harm anyone and I don't think I did, so why am I second-guessing myself? Because the controller is telling me to. My opinion to longer matters.

Before I worked on myself everyone would treat me like this. And I thought it was fine. I thought I was being open and allowing other people to critique me was helpful to my development. At work I was constantly being embarrassed and being talked over, my opinions swept aside. They would use that "BONNIE!" and I would turn red and slink away.

Now I know that the ONLY opinion that matters is mine. And I WON'T be embarrassed just because someone tells me I should be. THEY should be embarrassed for terrorizing a lovely, kind, smart, and loyal person such as myself for so long that they deprived the world of my light.

Now when people need something from me they ask me respectfully and they listen to what I have to say. And if you want this for yourself there is no easy or quick way to get it. You better armor up and saddle up with your guns blazing. You make them respect you. You take what you need. Do it clumsily, awkwardly, irritatingly, whatever you have to to get it out. It will get easier over time, but you gotta do it yourself.