I never really HIT puberty, I slide into puberty. I wasn’t interested in boys at all really until my first boyfriend. Sex was supposed to be dirty and dangerous, at least that was the way I was taught. Well, that was one version of what I was taught. Simultaneously I was taught that women aren’t as valuable as men, women are lesser creatures than men, and the only way a woman can be happy and fulfilled is by a male partner.

It wasn’t that my mom or dad or anybody got in my face and told me I was worth less because I was a woman it was a subtle tone, looks, and how males/females were treated. I think that’s what makes emotional/mental/psychological abuse so harmful- because you can’t point to a bruise a say “this is where she hit me”. It’s nothing that we can prove. Even if the aim is to cause malice it’s hard to convince a jury or your peers that when she said, “You’re REALLY pretty!” she meant it as an insult. ‘What’s wrong with that? What’s wrong with being complimented?’ There’s no way to convince someone of the cold, hateful glare, the sneering lips or the tone that clearly meant the opposite. Victims of this type of abuse walk away wondering if they are crazy, if they were imagining things, if they were being too sensitive. We end up making excuses for our attackers. And because we are never believed we never develop the confidence to stand up for ourselves.

I agree, it can be difficult to give evidence of emotional abuse because there's a lot of context that needs to be taken into account. And then because outside people don't see the the reality of what's been going on, victims can end up doubting that it was really that bad. Plus, as you say, being the victim of this sort of abuse makes it difficult to develop the confidence to stand up for oneself.

I'm glad because I get the impression you are getting clearer about what was done to you and how that's what caused the difficulties you've been facing.

And I'm grateful to you for helping improve awareness of these issues, and thus helping improve things for victims, as well as helping more people get victimized in the future, by sharing your story and your insights. Thank you!