Today has been an onslaught of humiliating memories.

The embarrassment is so bad I feel ready to vomit. I find myself frozen. Or repeating phrases with no real meaning, "Stop it. Stop it. Don't do this. I don't want this. Go away. Go away."

This morning I was thinking about a vacation where me and (we'll call him John, my bf) went on. We were staying with a family. I made enemies with the daughter somehow. All I know is she hated me. We were playing 'Cards Against Humanity'. Everyone was laughing when she read the cards. When it was her turn to read I gave her one and said, "I just want to hear her read it.". Trying to be light, join in the laughs. Well she just stared as me and very aggressively said, "I'm NOT going to read it! If it's something bad I won't read it!" And just giving me the most hateful glare. I didn't say anything because 1) I couldn't think 2) because her dad and grandparents were there. She just kept glaring at me, for a really long time. And the worst part was, the card that I gave her wasn't all that bad/funny anyway. Everyone was expecting something really big, but then it was nothing, so it was like 'why did I say anything?'

I wish I would've said, "Well, no one's putting a gun to your head, so you can stop staring at me now."

But I didn't I just sat there (probably with a retarded grin on my face) and let her treat me like that.

And now I have to relive that memory for the rest of my life.