So there it is. The uninvited guest - the desire to cut.

Well, maybe not uninvited. Clearly I invited it in all those years ago. But it won't bloody leave.

Usually it hides somewhere in the back of my mind. I know it's always there, but I can mostly ignore it.
Sometimes it moves more into the middle, where I will walk into it or stumble over it, or just catch glimpses of it as it flits around. And it try to keep it from my thoughts, but all this movement makes it difficult.
Other times, it moves up right to the front of my mind, and it colours - or taints - all I see and feel and think. It will not be ignored.

At the moment its somewhere in the middle, like I've just seen it passing around a corner and the urge to follow has flared up.

This would be a bad time to act on that.

Focus. I need to be strong and normal for the next week. Show the darling boyfriend that I will be fine for the week that he goes on his trip and I will be all on my lonesome.
It scares me. I'm no good alone.
And I know my bastard guest will be demanding more of my attention.

Can I get through this?
Well, yes. I can and I must. So I shall.