It doesn't seem like something I can admit to anyone

"I am not okay"

It's weird.

It's like, at one point, I wanted scars. I sort of envy cutters their scars. To show how.... broken? I suppose?

But then I don't want them, either.

I want to say I am messed up, and I don't want to say I'm messed up.

I wonder if my scars will fade. They're not scars to the touch, but you can see lighter shade of skin everywhere I have burned.

I think it's okay to be broken. Hugs.

I just don't have the courage to admit it other than anonymously. Most see me as well-put-together and ambitious, if a bit cold. And admitting to not being okay would be like showing weakness. Not something I'm very good with.

I've always been very ashamed of the scars on my arms, so I can't imagine anyone being envious of them. Took them a long time to fade to the point where I felt I could wear short sleeves. Even now I have days when I feel I need to cover up, even though most people won't notice them or recognize them for what they are.

I don't really know the healing process with burn scars, but I would think the fact that they not raised/indented is a good sign at least... The bit where I was messing around with candles has left the skin there a bit darker and the texture is different. Like little goosebumps, but luckily not very noticeable...