Well, I finally brought my laptop to college. That is pretty much what this post is about. That and I wanted to just say that nothing much happened on saturday or sunday. I will probalby just reserve the blogs for the end of the day, not do them here often.

Spell check is currently not working on this laptop for some reason, and it is really bugging me. I have to be extra careful about my spelling. Oh well, maybe I need the practice.

Okay, so this is going to be my blog post about my nootropics and vitamins, as requested. I really find this subject to be interesting, and it has been a bit of a hobby(?) of mine. I just really enjoy the topic even though I don't have a complete understanding (but I understand and learn more every day, and that is part of what makes it so fun, there is so much unknown and stuff to explore).

I would like to start of by saying that I don't think these can substitute real pharmaceuticals. They are very weak, but noticeable. My personal opinion is that they should be used mostly for mild cases or as a first line of defense since there are very, very few bad side effects. Also, you can never mix these with SSRIs, and you need to do a lot of research first to make sure that you are not creating any interactions.

My initial intent of taking these was to make my memory better and correct something that I saw as cognitive decline, although I think it was mostly effects of long term lack of socialization and depression, not an actual decline. I considered that it was possibly some type of schizophrenia, but I no longer think that is realistic, and I have been told that it was most likely not the case.

So, I will break it down into groups.


Basic Vitamins/herbs
[I started with just these for about a month and did not notice any significant improvements, but they are healthy, so I think it is beneficial in the long run, and I don't have to pay for these, my parents buy and take them too]

Multivitamin- Everyone should take one, I think, and I don't eat too much, so it is really just a security thing to make sure I get enough of most things.

Grape Seed Extract- A ton of possible benefits. Mostly, I take it for anti-cancer and as an antioxidant. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grape_seed_extract#Potential_anti-disease_effects

Omega-3- This is just a basic nutrition and it has a ton of links to different things. The research is still a bit shaky as to how much it helps, but it seems promising, and I am interested in it.

Turmeric- My whole family takes this, and it is supposedly anti-cancer. I have not found as much research on it as I have the others, but I take it because it could possibly be helpful, but it is not going to hurt me if not. I would not buy it on my own, though.


Base nootropics
[I took these next, alongside the vitamins, and I still take them. I have determined that they have noticeable, good effects with few bad side effects. They also made my grades go up when I started taking them, which was needed because my grades had been dropping and it was increasingly difficult to think in school.]

Piracetam(1.2g)- This is the most basic nootropic that is pretty much considered THE nootropic to start with. This one is also the mildest. It takes a while to take full effect, too. The difference is noticeable. The main effect is that it helps with mood. It definitely has an effect on mood for me. I wouldn't say it is exactly an anti-depressant, though. I feel like it makes me less prone to having an extremely low mood, and that it allows me to be reactively happy, but I don't think it really gives you a dependable mood boost. The best I can describe it is that it both makes your emotions stronger, and it makes you more conscious over them. It makes me stronger against my own emotions. I feel like it makes my mind slightly more clear.

Oxiracetam(600mg)- This one is closest to having actual recreational drug effects, and it is much stronger than piracetam. Firstly, it gives me more energy, both physical and mental. It solves the feeling of constantly being tired. This makes my mind clear even more than the piracetam. Secondly, there is an effect that is almost like a recreational drug. I have heard it compared to cannabis in this respect, but I have never smoked. The best thing I can compare it to is hydrocodone, which I took low doses(about 10mg, I think) of after getting my wisdom teeth removed. It is like a very mild version...

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A lot actually happened today, but I don't have too much time, so this is going to be a quick post. I need to go to bed.

First, I was going to chem, and I opened a door, and I was kinda spaced-out. There was a girl right in front of me who had gotten to the door first. I paused for a moment, and then walked through the door after I had opened it. Somehow in my mind, I was thinking I was going to hold the door open as I walked through it so that she could walk through behind me, but that is obviously impossible, and I ended up just pausing at the door for a moment and walking past. I felt like either a jerk or an idiot. I guess there is the "I didn't mean to", but it was still pretty stupid of me.

Then, I did pretty poorly on the chem quiz. I made an 78. It was a basic concept that I thought I knew, too. I just made a lot of mistakes and was one of the first ones done. I normally make some mistakes, but this was like half off on 5 problems, so I need to be more careful. I feel ashamed, but she said that we will redo it, so i don't know what that says about what other people made. I just need to focus more. Today was a bad day anyway.

Then in soicology, I did group work. She put us in groups, so it was not so bad, but I did not talk much. I did manage to talk some, though. I didn't do a good job of connecting to the people. My speech seemed distant somehow. It is difficult to explain, and it normally doesn't happen. It felt like I was a robot or something. The group members were pretty nice, though. The person who was writing asked me my opnion on a few of the questions because I had not spoken up. Then they were talking about fast food personally (the assignment was about childhood obesity), and they were all saying how they eat fast food because of their schedules, and then she asked me "what about you? Do you eat fast food?" and I said "No, not often, I just wait until I get home and eat microwave food." in that robot type of voice. That was a pretty lame and unrelating answer. I don't even know if it made much sense because I don't know how many people call it microwave food. But at least I didn't add "because I am afraid of buying food."

That is about it. I will do a post tomorrow about my nootropics Hopefully I will be feeling sharper tomorrow, too.

Not much of anything happened today. It was pretty much the same as always.

In chem, the professor was going around the room trying to remember names. She couldn't remember mine, so I had to say it, but I stuttered a bit. I don't normally stutter, but sometimes that happens. I was a bit embarrassed, but I am getting more and more into the mode where I don't really care, and I feel like I am pretty safe from people's attention now.

On a more positive note, we had a mandatory meeting today, and I did okay with that. Also, one of the directors was waiting at the top of the stairs to tell us where to go, and he sounded really friendly. He said something like "Alright, man. Just go straight down there to the end of the row" in a genuinely friendly/nice tone. That is always nice to hear.

The isolation is as bad as ever, but it does give some protection. I don't like my thinking like this, though. I don't want to fall into another semi-schizoid state.

As a bit of a related thought, I keep thinking "maybe the isolation is good for me... I learn more like this... I have more free time... I have enough time to..." but I know that all the free time in the world is not useful if I am unmotivated and unhappy, and even if I get help, I can still choose to be alone a lot, which is much better than being forced to be alone.

I still plan to go to a therapist, and I feel like I need to bring it up to my mom pretty soon, like in a few weeks. I am afraid that if I wait for too long, I will change my mind or lose motivation.

So, yesterday's post was sorta crazy. I don't know why I was so bad off, but that happens from time to time.

Anyway, today started awesomely. I felt awesome today, like "super secret agent who fights crime and that sound effect plays when something happens and his stare immediately fixes on it" kind of awesome.

I felt like I ruled the world. I didn't have to go to school until 2:00 today, so after my family left, I acted a bit crazy. It was fun, though.

I was watching the chillr channel (a channel with old horror shows that are mostly silly, but kinda creepy. It is fun), and I had my cat next to me, and through the whole time, I would say incredibly stupid and meaningless stuff to the cat like "OHHHHH!! He is actually a pig, Link! I didn't expect that! Oh my gosh a pig man!", and he would rub his head against my hand. A few times I picked him up like I was protecting him and say stuff like "oh no, we have to hide, Link! Shhh! the monster is going to find us".

Then, after I got out of the shower, getting ready to go to the car, I ran around pretending to be a ninja and taking in fake japanese to my pets. Then I ran around and pet all three of our indoor animals on the head in rapid succession and landed in a stance and said "m-m-m-m-multi-pet" at the top of my lungs, and no one could hear me of course because I as alone. Whatever, it seems stupid now, but it was the greatest thing in the world this morning.

In the car, I turned on the radio because I never listen to the radio. I chose a channel with 80s, 90s, and present music that I had heard before in my parent's car. It was awesome, the electronic music. I felt like I was in the 80s, and since there was no one else on the road (it was not a busy time), I was dancing and trying to sing along although I had never heard half of the songs. It was a grand time. Then, I got to my parking space and walked confidently to the school, but by the time I was close to the building, my confidence was waning, and I had a normal(my normal) class period.

The only thing bad about sociology was that we had to sign the role with our signature, and I don't have a signature. I just write my name messily in cursive, but I normally write it a little different each time because I don't pay much attention to it. She said, though, that our signature would be what marked our attendance, and it was our signature so that we couldn't have a friend just write it for us because then it would look different. I don't even have a signature, though, so I don't know what that means. Mine is different each time I write it, and I tried to remember how I wrote it that time, but I was anxious to go ahead and sign it and pass it back, so I didn't get a chance to really let it sink in, and I have pretty much forgotten it now. So I don't really remember exactly how I wrote it, and I hope I am not going to be counted absent.

Afterwards, I had to go get another two books, but that didn't work out too well. I went in and it was the same girl was working there last week, which isn't too bad, but it was just kinda awkward. I only was able to get one book because they didn't have the most recent edition of the 2nd book, but that was okay because I only urgently needed the first one. But then, after I bought them, I did that thing where I didn't put up my wallet and stuff at appropriate times, so I just had everything in my hands at once, and there were people behind me, and I was freaking out a bit. I was just thinking that I wanted to get out because the people behind me were making me nervous, but I didn't know I still had the pen in my hand from where I had signed the receipt. I was gathering my stuff, and the girl was talking, but I thought she was talking to the other people. She was telling me she needed the pen back, though. It didn't register until about probably the 5th time she said it, and I said I was sorry and put the pen on the desk. She kinda gave me that "Okaaaayyyyyy..."...

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