Well, I went to get my blood taken today for the blood-test.

It was pretty useless.

She asked why I wanted it, and I just said because of anxiety and fatigue.

So, she told me she could only do thyroid and basic stuff, no sex-hormones or pretty much anything else on the list.

So, I guess that's it. I have a consultation with her in a week.

She asked how much I was eating, and I told her. I eat a granola bar for breakfast, don't eat lunch, and eat a pretty good supper.

So, she said that I need to eat more and that would probably help the anxiety. Well, that's kinda a catch considering the anxiety is the main reason that I don't eat. I just said "Okay, yes mam'".

I seem to lack the ability to explain my problems to people in person, I get too anxious.


On another topic, the stuff about the girl has been kinda bad.

Luckily, I am very emotionally dampened recently, so I am not going crazy or anything.

Still. It is very bad.

Last Tuesday night, some stuff went down on her twitter. Here's the story:

So, while the whole prom thing was going on, she was dating a guy on and off. After everything was over, she started dating him full-on, and, during the summer, he left to join the military. Apparently, she kept in contact with him and still liked him.

Tuesday, they were apparently talking on the phone. He told her that he possibly impregnated another girl...

She went absolutely bat-**** crazy. It was scary. I was worried. I texted her and asked if she was okay(stupid way to express concern, I know), but she didn't respond.

The next day, she closed her twitter because someone's parents apparently read some of her crazy posts and they did something. I don't know what exactly happened.

So, I texted her again. Again, she didn't text back.

I wasn't too worried about her. Even though she tears people apart and acts berserk in times like that, she is very strong and can get through pretty much anything (on an amazing level).

I kinda let it fade out of my mind.

But, of course, I can't let things fade out of my mind, so, yesterday, I asked her if she had made a new twitter. She said she had, and told me the name. So I look at it.

Some of her posts talked about smoking.

Smoking is NOT something that she does.

I don't know if she was talking about smoking cigarettes or weed, but she mentioned smoking twice, each time implying that she was smoking.

Plus, the posts were generally crazy until around Sunday when they start to sound more sane.

If she is smoking cigarettes... I can't do anything about it, but I don't know.

This is the strangest mixture of concerned and pissed right now.

I want to talk to her ask ask "What the **** are you doing?" Is she out of her mind? We have talked about, before, how disgusting cigarette smoking is. If she is seriously smoking, it is probably a self-harm sort of thing or stimulant-craving thing. She used to do the same thing with energy drinks, drink copious amounts. I guess I am glad that it is cigs and not amphetamine or something, but she shouldn't be smoking.

I feel like I should do something, but what can I do? I can't do anything, and this is so frustrating.

Surprisingly, I am not feeling too guilty about this even though I realize if I would have gone to prom with her, there is a significant chance that everything would be good.

Right now, it is just that focused feeling.

I have been thinking maybe I should ask her to talk over coffee after classes on Friday. Still, what am I going to say "[hername], you shouldn't be smoking."? Yeah, she won't listen to me. I guess I could just express concern, but I doubt that is going to do any good.

I guess I have to try anyway.

I want to date her, but I doubt that is going to happen.

The 2nd best thing is to be sure that she is safe. Unfortunately, I can't do a good job of that.

I just hope she doesn't screw everything up for herself. She's very bright and beautiful, but she can't help but to get mixed in with everything, it seems like.

I wish everything was just calm and okay.