So, yesterday's post was sorta crazy. I don't know why I was so bad off, but that happens from time to time.

Anyway, today started awesomely. I felt awesome today, like "super secret agent who fights crime and that sound effect plays when something happens and his stare immediately fixes on it" kind of awesome.

I felt like I ruled the world. I didn't have to go to school until 2:00 today, so after my family left, I acted a bit crazy. It was fun, though.

I was watching the chillr channel (a channel with old horror shows that are mostly silly, but kinda creepy. It is fun), and I had my cat next to me, and through the whole time, I would say incredibly stupid and meaningless stuff to the cat like "OHHHHH!! He is actually a pig, Link! I didn't expect that! Oh my gosh a pig man!", and he would rub his head against my hand. A few times I picked him up like I was protecting him and say stuff like "oh no, we have to hide, Link! Shhh! the monster is going to find us".

Then, after I got out of the shower, getting ready to go to the car, I ran around pretending to be a ninja and taking in fake japanese to my pets. Then I ran around and pet all three of our indoor animals on the head in rapid succession and landed in a stance and said "m-m-m-m-multi-pet" at the top of my lungs, and no one could hear me of course because I as alone. Whatever, it seems stupid now, but it was the greatest thing in the world this morning.

In the car, I turned on the radio because I never listen to the radio. I chose a channel with 80s, 90s, and present music that I had heard before in my parent's car. It was awesome, the electronic music. I felt like I was in the 80s, and since there was no one else on the road (it was not a busy time), I was dancing and trying to sing along although I had never heard half of the songs. It was a grand time. Then, I got to my parking space and walked confidently to the school, but by the time I was close to the building, my confidence was waning, and I had a normal(my normal) class period.

The only thing bad about sociology was that we had to sign the role with our signature, and I don't have a signature. I just write my name messily in cursive, but I normally write it a little different each time because I don't pay much attention to it. She said, though, that our signature would be what marked our attendance, and it was our signature so that we couldn't have a friend just write it for us because then it would look different. I don't even have a signature, though, so I don't know what that means. Mine is different each time I write it, and I tried to remember how I wrote it that time, but I was anxious to go ahead and sign it and pass it back, so I didn't get a chance to really let it sink in, and I have pretty much forgotten it now. So I don't really remember exactly how I wrote it, and I hope I am not going to be counted absent.

Afterwards, I had to go get another two books, but that didn't work out too well. I went in and it was the same girl was working there last week, which isn't too bad, but it was just kinda awkward. I only was able to get one book because they didn't have the most recent edition of the 2nd book, but that was okay because I only urgently needed the first one. But then, after I bought them, I did that thing where I didn't put up my wallet and stuff at appropriate times, so I just had everything in my hands at once, and there were people behind me, and I was freaking out a bit. I was just thinking that I wanted to get out because the people behind me were making me nervous, but I didn't know I still had the pen in my hand from where I had signed the receipt. I was gathering my stuff, and the girl was talking, but I thought she was talking to the other people. She was telling me she needed the pen back, though. It didn't register until about probably the 5th time she said it, and I said I was sorry and put the pen on the desk. She kinda gave me that "Okaaaayyyyyy..." kind of look(not in a mean way, but in a "what the heck just happened, that guy was crazy" sort of way.), and I got out of there as fast as I can. The anxiety was compounded by the facts that I am going to have to go back later for the 2nd book, and she was really cute (not that I would think she would date me or something, but that just seems to make the anxiety worse for some reason). So, I am planning on going back on a Friday or something because she looked like a college student, and I assume that if she can be there on Tuesdays during the whole day, she can't be there on the other weekdays for the whole days, so I would have the least chance of having to face her again on those days. I know that is technically avoidant behavior, but I really do not want to go through awkwardness.

Anyway, I talked to my mom a bit more about school. I told her I was feeling isolated and not making friends, and she told me to be more open and talk to people, and it was only the 2nd week. I think I will wait for a little while before bringing up a therapist to her. I am pretty happy right now anyway. I am not really depressed or anything, and I think these nootropics prevent me from having any sort long-lasting depression. I will be okay for now. I think I am probably going to wait until I am 18 unless I get too depressed.

I'm glad to hear your day went better than yesterday and that you found joy and confidence doing silly things. Singing/dancing in my car when I'm alone always gives me a self-esteem boost, there is no one around to judge my abilities and if I were around other people I could not enjoy it because I would be too caught up in what other people are thinking about me.

It sounds like you have developed a good strategy to tell your mom about the therapist. Breaking a difficult situation down into steps is a good way to make most problems more manageable. You are very considerate of your mom's feelings and how she may feel guilty/overwhelmed if you tell her everything at once.

Also, I'd be interested to hear the nootropics you've tried, how you think they've worked for you, any side effects, etc. I've seen you mention a couple of them and I'm curious to hear more.

Thanks for the comment

I will probably do a post about the nootropics stuff soon. Maybe as my post for today, or maybe as my post for tomorrow since I am going to not have that much time today.

I've enjoyed reading your blog. Hearing about other people making efforts to change always helps me with my own motivation!