Not much of anything happened today. It was pretty much the same as always.

In chem, the professor was going around the room trying to remember names. She couldn't remember mine, so I had to say it, but I stuttered a bit. I don't normally stutter, but sometimes that happens. I was a bit embarrassed, but I am getting more and more into the mode where I don't really care, and I feel like I am pretty safe from people's attention now.

On a more positive note, we had a mandatory meeting today, and I did okay with that. Also, one of the directors was waiting at the top of the stairs to tell us where to go, and he sounded really friendly. He said something like "Alright, man. Just go straight down there to the end of the row" in a genuinely friendly/nice tone. That is always nice to hear.

The isolation is as bad as ever, but it does give some protection. I don't like my thinking like this, though. I don't want to fall into another semi-schizoid state.

As a bit of a related thought, I keep thinking "maybe the isolation is good for me... I learn more like this... I have more free time... I have enough time to..." but I know that all the free time in the world is not useful if I am unmotivated and unhappy, and even if I get help, I can still choose to be alone a lot, which is much better than being forced to be alone.

I still plan to go to a therapist, and I feel like I need to bring it up to my mom pretty soon, like in a few weeks. I am afraid that if I wait for too long, I will change my mind or lose motivation.

Boring can be good...maybe it is a sign that you have tackled some of your anxieties and become more comfortable at college allowing you to have a boring day?

I think it is a good idea to try and change/seek help before you lose your motivation. Once you are there it is hard to break out of the funk.