I have been trying to get communication going for years with my son-our son. Tracy and Zack did not bond while he was here for 6 months. he returned to MI when his son was born-he left me for his son. He is not *with* the mother but lives with her family for 10 years now.
The only place I see my sons photos is on facebook. I try to say nice things and ask him to call and he says he will but never keeps his word.
Dec 6th was the 10 year anniversary of his plane leaving and me not seeing my son again. I have been outright begging him for a simple phone call. It has not worked. While there he hooked up and made another baby with another lady. he has zero to do with this child-not until the mother dies he says. He ignored me for 6 months when I brought up his daughter.
All my begging did not work. So I sent him a photo of his daughter and he ended our relationship. he has a 10 year old son he dont even send me photos of. he is as detached as his father is.

And now says he is nothing but a ghost and I am dead to him.
All I wanted was to show him how much I have changed over the last 10 years and that I am a more worthy human, mother and grandmother.

when I started this post I was hysterical. now all feeling is shut off and I feel nothing

I have been working on the panic now attached to any creativity. I have started photo groups and done poetry several times a week. I am trying to get over this panic attached to any desire I have to sew or quilt or do photography or any other art medium.
I quit doing all art when I found my husband saying things to someone else he should only say to me.
That right there is the cork in the bottle of my creativity.
To let myself be creative means facing all that.
Since realizing this I have started refering to myself as we but I cant think about it or I get a giant brain pain. Ive been called out on WE by my friends..asking who WE is>?<
WE aint talking

he claims it does not exsist within in yet Ive witnessed him giving what he says he does not have within him to give-to others. he feels-he just aint feeling me.
Seeing the disappointment in his being when his father paid him for the books he sent- that shows he has gift giving and sentiment in there-after all I read a lot of it towards kay-he gave it away
not to me
xanax- hives-stop my anxiety before I look like I have chicken pocks. I am realizing I do not matter
I cannot hide from the facts. I put myself out constantly waiting for love
I sent emails to him again and my feelings- took a week for him to open and respond. the response had nothing to do with the present. he is capable of being present at work but not in life. and i thought I had problems. Clearly things are coming up that make that" FIGURE OUT WHAT YOUR DOING BY THE END OF WINTER" more of a life question not just a moving furniture issue. No explanation or details of WHAT I am supposed to figure out what I am supposed to figure out. perhaps it is the ultimate question-which needs an answer-oddly on my birthday-the last day of winter.
I do not think he understands how vague and demanding he is-and do not question or anger will respond.
You would think the way I process emotional issues would have rubbed off in 10 years but I guess not.

I did things that make me feel bad in order to make my husband feel good so he would in turn show me some affection or attention or love. I made a self pleasuring video for him and it got nothing but complaints. Imagine baring yourself and masterbating only to hear complaints about the sexy teddy and the sound being too loud and the video taking over the screen. Gee thanks I feel so good about myself now I think Ill ######6 delete myself. There is NO GAINING here just rejection. Now my heart is closing up and I no longer ######6 care about trying to get love out of a god damn asshole. Ya can't squeeze love out of a asshole..$#%^ is the only result of squeezing.
I will not be bothering to email videos to a man who is not even going to tell me it turns him on.
perhaps I cant DO IT LIKE KAY DID ON YAHOO WHILE I WAS CAMPING IN JULY..maybe
cause obviously
I cant even masterbate for him right. the scale of my heart it tipped
and not in his favor

And OUR ANNIVERSARY is ignored. 10 years-no card no flowers no sentiment. sentiment is for her -as REMEMBER he thinks of her always.
As a wife I fuming-as a spirit I am crushed. congratulations
Now I am too drugged to live just so I can live with no answers and betrayal
Ive been told I will never get what he gave her-what Ive been trying to get for years.
congratulations
you win