Why should I continually push back my mental health issues for someone else? I stuff my feelings cause I will be told to shut up if I talk about how I feel. My feelings do not matter. My mental health has got so much better over the last few years. Ive been constantly telling myself PICK BETTER FEELINGS PICK BETTER THOUGHTS. Apparently my ability to rangle my mind into changing its thoughts to positive stuff proves to him I am not a person with mental illness. I have been ###$ from age 3 on up by my father who had to cut or burn me before making me FEEL better. By age 10 my big brouther took over for him. My teen years were in a foster home. I have been raped and abused most all my life. As an adult my little brother popped out of my bathroom naked wanting his sister. Mental problems are HUGE and I have a bad problem staying present specially during movies. All I can think is how all movies apply to what I feel and have lived. My mother still blames me for what my father did but forgave him. After all when I was 3 I was so into sex..yeah mom sure thing..all me at age 3.
I push myself to get better and I am actually faulted for doing so. I think he would rather have me sick. I think that cause the better I get the more he pulls away. The more he yells and criticizes me. I feel like I should just let my demons win..he might be happier.

Oh yeah..like 3 YEAR OLD "WANTED IT".A 3yr old doesnt even have a concept/capacity to understand sex..Sounds like my mother.She,from I can see,adores my father.When I brought up that he sexually abused me/siblings,she denied it at first,even though she was QUITE aware what was going on,then she MINIMIZED the abuse...then she told me WELL,your father might have done some of those things,but he was NO Jerry Sandusky ( Penn State pedophile),then the kicker was she told me TO GET OVER IT.People should be screened before they are allowed to have children.Most wouldnt pass.

Thank you for understanding. My mother says she has 3 kids on facebook and they are all boys. I am the only kid she had with a college education, house, no debt and never been to jail. I am a shining star compared to her boys. Yet I am shunned, called crazy and in 2010 called a witch in court by my own mother. I was trying to get a restraining order against my little brother for popping out of the bathroom naked asking to jerk off on my feet. In his Christian values cheating on his wife was a no no but this was ok??? How am I so worthless to all I am related to-including a psychiatrist uncle who protects my mothers feelings! I stay as far away from my family as possible.
That also adds to the isolation over my lifetime. Leading to my loneliness and rejection issues. Lets not mention intimacy issues *smirk*

Thanks for the support

I am so sorry for the hard times you have been through.
It seems that your father is not a father.Neglect him.
I have been through emotional abusing times by my father,and although my mother acknowledge it,she is defending him and asks me to forgive & forget.The only thing that helped me is when I decided to ignore and neglect
him and focus on my life and improving it.
So move on with your life and focus on getting better.No one deserves to even blame.You will only be torturing yourself with negativity.

PS:If getting better makes him moves away,so that's a good thing.Keep getting better and he will eventually disappear

I wish my mom had the relationship with her mom that her and i share! Analee is missing out on an amazing daughter. Just like my father whom ive never met is missing out on me. I see how hurt my mom is even when she smiles. It hurts me. I know i cant make things better for her but what i can do is continue being there for her and loving her like i do!

You deserve to be loved and adored. You are the farthest thing from worthless. It hurts me as your daughter that you feel that way! You are the shiniest star i have and ever will meet! I love you! You are kind loving creative caring extremely talented i can go on and on and on. You have so much to offer to this world. You are so full of life! You are loved you are worthy!!

Thank you twisted. Hopefully my mental crap don't stink up your life too much. I want you to be able to trust. My mother don't deserve to know me-as we have all said. I love you kid.
Exploringlife: No contact with father since he went to prison for attempted murder on my mother. I stay away from almost all family. They are posion. I have done my best to move on and done well. But as adults some family come into my life and pull crap that they know will turn my mind to mush. My little brother knew how bad my dad and my big brother molesting me had hurt my life. It did not stop him from trying the same thing to me as an adult. I am horrified that my little brother turned out like my dad and big brother. So horrified I wont get to know brother number 3. I do my best and I get knocked down a lot.

[quote="twist-this"]You deserve to be loved and adored. You are the farthest thing from worthless. It hurts me as your daughter that you feel that way! You are the shiniest star i have and ever will meet! I love you! You are kind loving creative caring extremely talented i can go on and on and on. You have so much to offer to this world. You are so full of life! You are loved you are worthy!![/quote]
Thank you for loving me